I think this line’s mostly filler

I tend to be a bit O.C. when it comes to going home for the holidays. For the past few years, I’ve been absolutely insistent on having all my laundry washed and put away; the floors mopped; surfaces dusted and things all tidy, tidy, tidy before I head out to Kentucky.

Today was no exception.

Now that my life has been blessed by the Goddess Swiffer, cleaning has taken on a whole new level of fun….and ease! Speaking of cleaning, and this is one of the totally random things that if I were talking, it would make sense – so bear with me…..but is that PARKER fucking POSEY as the voice over in the Windex Multi Task Cleaning Solution ads?

Anyway….so….I took the day off Wednesday thinking I’d have all my cleaning accomplished – HAH! At least it rained and snowed, so I rationalized my not leaving until today on inclement weather and not the fact that I’ve been living in a flipping pig pen and that it wasn’t Christina that I was mad at, but the dirt. Anyway, all Swiffered up, I headed home.

The OCD kicks in right before I leave, because I realized that I did not have music pulled for my ride home and back. The thing about driving home is that I do not have guaranteed NPR for the entire trip, so I have to have some music to keep me sane across Illinois and Indiana.

For years now, Madonna’s Ray of Light has been my constant. It really zaps an hour out of the trip. Thursday, I was in a panic because I could find neither Ray of Light (the album) nor the two re-mix CDs that I have. I also could not find my Buffy musical CD – so I was in a panic. I have to sing spread beneath my willow tree as I enter Kentucky. It’s a ritual, like honking the horn when I cross the Ohio River, okay? I almost thought about calling my mother and saying, “ I cannot come home…. It would be very, VERY bad luck….” But 30 minutes of tearing all my CD cases apart and the crisis was averted. One re-mix CD, the album and these CDs put my mid at ease:

1. Once More with Feeling – belted out to and from.
2. Natalie Merchant’s Ophelia – a mid – Indiana – on – the – way – back – after – 3 – cups – of – coffee – must - have.
3. Milla Jovovich – Gentleman Who Fell. The rest of the album, maybe....
4. A Sandra Bernhard CD
5. Madonna – American Life
6. Stereolab’s Sound-Dust CD courtesy of Kelly!
7. Donna Summer’s Greatest Hits
8. Koop
9. and my smacked-out CD compilations of show tunes and old house music

That’s how I make my way home. I can usually find a Stevie Nick’s song around exit 25a in Indiana. Just like a white winged dove….sings a song……sounds like she’s singing…..whoo…whooo…..whooooooooooo….

OHHH!!!!!

The scariest or should I say scarriest part of the trip are these patriotic fuckers……With their yellow and American flag magnets and their personalized US FLAG 4 license plate. I really couldn't give a shit that they were speeding. But where are the Grammar Police to cite this violation:

Too Scarry To Vote Kerry.