2004 Resolutions

Today, I was chatting…okay gossiping…with one of my nearest and dearest friends about last night's blow out bash. We had a little spy news to share, we talked about cute girls and their punk rock outfits and, eventually, the subject eventually turned to New Year’s resolutions.

Now, given that I have absolutely no impulse control, I have never actually had a New Year’s resolution. And while I can be a little, well, a lot inflexible with my thinking, I’ve decided that I will compose a brief list of goals for the upcoming year – whether or not I stick to them is another matter. But change begins with a tiny pebble falling in a big lake…or something like that.

Rob’s Resolutions for 2004:

Diet/Health
– Trips to Taco Bell must be made by foot – well, at least once a month.
– Smoking is hazardous to my health. That’s why I’m walking to Taco Bell. The cardio will offset the lung and heart damage.

Family
– I will call my mother when I am supposed to – Sunday afternoons – no excuses.
– I will remember my sibling’s birthdays. But I have to call my mother to find out when they are.

Financial
– I will leave my credit cards at home. Cash is king. And my cards are maxed out anyway.
– Walking to Taco Bell will save gas money. But will I need new, cute walking shoes?

Friends
– I will call/e-mail my friends more often. And I won't call/e-mail just to whine about my current state of affairs. Even when I am mired in self-pity, other people matter.
– When dumb boys say they just want to be friends, I will remember that I’ve been neglecting my long-standing friends while dating this dumb boy, and that sooner or later, I will neglect this dumb boy when I meet the next dumb boy, so hearing “let’s be friends” isn’t nearly as bad as it sounds. That’s a really rambly sentence, but I swear, when read aloud, it totally makes sense.

Grammar
– I have tens of thousands of dollars in college loans. My writing should reflect that, okay?
– I will read more. Star Magazine does not count.

Sex
– I will at least ask a trick what his last name is. Whether I remember it (or his first name, for that matter) is another story.
– More three-ways. Double the fun, with zero guilt.

Sex/Relationships
– I will not fall for emotionally unavailable, yet terrible interesting men or at least bitch less about it.
– I will quit pretending that I am such a slut and admit that I’m just cracking jokes to hide years of bitter isolation, frustration and emotional agony. (YAY! One resolution already accomplished)

So, that’s my list. A bit insipid, but it’s my first effort. Quarterly progress reports will totally be available for public inspection.