The 'A Gays' or Why I'm Running Off to Join the Circus

A couple of nights ago, I attended a meet-n-greet with Cheryl Jacques, the new President of HRC. It was a pissy little affair, hosted at the tony high-rise Plaza in Clayton, where available units run from $785,000 - $2,575,000. The $3 million-plus penthouses have, of course, been sold, but afterwards tours were offered to those of us interested in seeing the rest of the place. While flattered by the offer of a grand tour, I told the Mister Sales Flack that I couldn’t even afford a 2’ by 3’ broom closet in the Plaza, but I wished him best of luck, nevertheless. He didn’t seem happy with my answer, but it seemed like a waste of my time and his to act otherwise.

Apparently candor isn’t appreciated in Clayton and apparently, neither is being a lower middle-class volunteer. Two little birdies have since whispered in my ear that, reportedly, Mr. Flack was distraught and vocalized his disappointment that only one “A-List” gay showed up, which leaves one to wonder whether the event was really organized to thank HRC donors and volunteers, or if the event was geared to sell multi-million dollar condos in downtown Clayton?

	1. Being a goof with Cheryl Jacques. She was very nice and approachable. 3. The fine folks from PROMO - who lobby for GLBT rights every day - attended the event. 2. Representatives from HoLa were also on hand... They're having a party this weekend.

Nevertheless, Cheryl Jacques was very, very gracious and didn’t seem to mind that some non-millionaires were there. She is a former senator and a most capable politician, who made you feel welcome regardless of your income level. When she looked at you, she looked at you – and not through you to see if someone “more important” was standing behind you. She’s a really engaging speaker and gave the assembled crowd the task of helping repeal a Constitutional amendment against gay marriage.

HRC has made marriage the focus of its strategy this year. Jacques argued that granting or denying marriage rights sets the stage for every other legal argument that gay folks will face in the upcoming years. If the amendment passes and we can’t marry, HRC fears that will set a precedent for other legal protections – from adoption to employment to housing, etc. And it’s a scary thought that any advancements we’ve made could be set back by Dubya and this amendment.

Governor Bob Holden showed up mid-speech (he might be “A-List”, but not an “A-Gay”) and there was an awkward moment when someone from HRC’s DC headquarters said, “Excuse me…but we have to interrupt. The governor is here and would like a few private words with Cheryl….” It was a real “talk amongst yourselves” sorta moment. Awkward and tacky, actually – but then the governor addressed the crowd for a few minutes. I didn’t hear him, though, since I’d strolled outside for a cigarette and to clear my mind. I was feeling a tad overwhelmed by the whole event.

I’m never sure I quite fit in at those types of hobnobby parties. I feel a little conspicuous – a little out of my league – and a little unsure that I’d want to join that league if I could. I’ve written about it before, but there’s a real pecking order in gay St. Louis and the various groups and sub groups seem stuck in maintaining their social order. Circuit boys hang with circuit boys, mullet girls co-mingle with only other mullet girls and bears just wanna do bears. At times it feels that having an identity that doesn’t fit a checklist of appropriate behavior, dress and income-status leaves you without a place to call your own.

Yay! Enjoyable Flame(r)s!

The good news is that I think I have found a place to volunteer my time. I’m on a Circus Flora committee, a locally-produced circus, whose mission is “to broaden and deepen the appreciation of the performing arts in the greater St. Louis community by producing and presenting innovative performances and educational programs through the use of classic circus skills.”

Circus Flora won’t forward a political agenda – and it won’t protect my right to marry. But there’s a component of my life that is equally important and it involves promoting art and creativity and imagination. Three things that seems terribly lacking in gay culture in St. Louis, and three things that are missing in my life at the moment.

When I volunteer my time, I want to feel that my abilities and skills as a creative person are valued more than my checkbook and I believe that forwarding a creative agenda is much more important than getting on a list of potential buyers of overpriced real estate. Maybe I’m failing my gay brothers and sisters, but often times I feel like they’ve failed me.

Anyway…that’s just me spouting off. Go do something that matters to you! I’m running off to join the circus this summer!