November 03, 2004
Moral Values
That's what an African American minister, Pat Buchanan and the CNN pundits have been talking about for the past few hours. Pat Buchanan said it was, "God, guns and gays." Some went on to elaborate, saying that the black and Latino communities are "socially conservative," so along with the white Evangelicals, the victory goes to George Bush.
I wish they'd just say what they really mean:
God hates fags.
Isn't that what this all boils down to?
More people said they voted today because of "moral values." Not Iraq. Not the economy. Not healthcare. It's all about moral values.
Bullshit.
They just hate fags.
And right now - I hate them. The big nebulous "them" of people not like me. And I can't stop crying because I'm feeling anger and revulsion. Anger at them and revulsion at myself. I didn't know I could feel this kind of anger.
There's a dull thud in my stomach and I've puked four times since coming home from a friend's house where I was watching the election coverage. I'd wanted to just come home and go to bed. But I walked into my house, and started crying as I climbed the stairs. I set down my stuff and walked straight to my bathroom and hurled.
I wish I could have expelled the thoughts I was having on my drive home instead.
When do I get to legislate my "moral values?"
When do we get around to yanking the foodstamps outta their trailer trash mailboxes?
Let 'em get a job.....
When do my tax dollars stop going to teach illegal aliens in American public schools?
Send 'em back to Cuba.....
When does the Medicaid assistance end to the unwed black mothers?
Let's start enforcing some of those "sanctity of marriage" morals now......
Nasty, hateful thoughts. And I hate that hate is all I feel right now.
I am sitting here crying because I loathe the path this country seems to be taking. And I hate myself for responding with such nasty, racist, hateful contempt and disdain.
I'd like to feel that more than half of this country considers me to be morally bankrupt simply because I'm gay. Trouble is, I do feel morally bankrupt because the morals I did value, namely tolerance and compassion seem wasted, meaningless and frankly, stupidly naive.
The culture war is on, I guess.
But I think I'm going to be a draft dodger. I am afraid of the hatred I feel for this country. I know I am capable of much more than anger and disdain and contempt.
And I don't want to waste my energies on hatred.
So if you know any Swedes looking for a houseboy, please let me know.
I want the fuck outta here.
Soon.
______________________________
I realize I may wake up tomorrow and things could be different. But, for posterity's sake......I took a photo, I know it's terribly self indulgent....but since I have no moral values...... why the hell not?
