Can I Get an Amen?

Enjoy more obscure cultural links here and here.

Thanks to Prophetess Lady Bunny, you can avoid unChristian Constipation: Enjoy a Holy Ghost Enema from Mrs. Benny Hinn!

Now that you feel the spirit - or the need for spirits, don't forget to join me at the Virtues & Vices event at the Contemporary tonight!

Speaking of virtuous, maybe we could go watch Mel Gibson's Jesus Snuff Film some time soon. Never heard of it? Fret not, you can watch the review offered by the one and only Betty Butterfield.

I take today's sermon from a letter sent to me by a Jesus-lovin' Nigerian lawyer. I wanted it to be unedited and uncut (unlike Jesus) but for the Love of God, I want you to come back again.

Here's the plan: a few snarky comments, then we'll sing a song, and then we're outta here for the weekend!

Dear Fellow Believer In Christ,
Great manners and grammar - but not so-good with the fact checking

It is by the grace of God that I received Christ, knowing the truth and the truth have set me free. Having known the truth, I had no choice than to do what is lawful and right in the sight of God for eternal life and in the sight of man for witness of God´s mercy and glory upon my life.
Sorry, honey - I don't speak in tongues. I didn't understand a word of that.....

I have the pleasure to share my testimony with you, I am Barrister Jude Akoko, the Legal adviser to late Mr. and Mrs. Andre Henson, a Swedish couple that lived in my Country Nigeria for 20 years before they both died in the plane crash late last year. These couples were good Christians, they so dedicated to God but they had no child till they died, may their souls rest in peace, Amen.
Can you have children after you die???

In short, I sold all the properties after their death, as instructed by Mr.Andre Henson, before his death. And as matter of fact, after I sold all their properties, I realized $7,100,000.00 (Seven million One hundred Thousand US dollars ).
But in today's currency market - what's that worth - 4 Euros???

But Instead of giving the fund out for the work of God as instructed to me by the owner before his death. I converted the fund to myself with the intention of investing the fund abroad for my personal use.
I am shocked and appalled that an attorney would do something unethical

I had encounter with Christ when Pastor Benny Hinn was preaching on television concerning Ananias and Saphira in Acts 5:1-11. After hearing the word of God, I gave my life to Christ and became a born again Christian.
I had an encounter with a Chris once and that Pastor Hinn -- does he give Holy Ghost enemas, too?

After my fasting and prayers, I asked God to make his choice and direct me to a honest Christian or the chosen ministry that deserves this fund by his Grace. I then came across your address on the Internet as I was browsing through a Christian site......blah...blah...blah...four more paragraphs....I picked you, aren't you lucky? So if you know that you will use this fund honestly and wisely for things that will glorify God's name, then do contact me back via email. You should also forward to me your telephone numbers for easy communication between us.
Honey, I make no sense when I don't eat, either......-

Yours in Christ,
Brother Jude Akoko
That name has so many lame joke possibilities - but in the Christian spirit, I'll just let it go.

Now, open up your hymnals and sing along with me.

After the song, we'll pass the collection plate.

*** begin playing with organ ***

Jesus loves me
This I know
A Nigerian told me so
All that cash
From now dead Swedes
Could be mine
Oh yes, indeed!

Yes, Jesus Loves Me (repeat three times)
Nigerians told me so...

*** organ play ends (was it good for you?) ***

Posted March 11, 2005 11:21 AM