Ivana Dance with Somebody...

As if we needed another sign that the cultural apocalypse has begun -- this story, gives the first horseman a name.

Listen, I know that I am prone to hysterical outbreaks. I am likely to say things that I will regret later on. I will declare my stance on any number of issues, change my mind and then back-peddle to my original conclusions.

But Donald Trump - The Musical?

Give me one Goddamned minute to slice off my ears, poke out my eyes, rip out my tongue and plunge a stake into my heart.

Has there ever been a more useless, puerile, woefully-arrogant, self-aggrandizing, totally unimportant, chauvinist asshole who doesn't need to have his greedy, hateful, trivial, bankrupt and replete-of-meaning life played out on the Great White Way?

Mediocrity is one thing, folks. That's everywhere nowadays. But this...this...should be a clarion call to y'all. We're fucked. By an asshole in a cheap toupee, no less. And when Katie Couric interviews his ass Monday, my television is going out the window.

Producers Barry and Fran Weissler and Mark Burnett, with an assist from real-estate mogul Donald Trump, are developing a musical based on "The Apprentice," Trump's hit NBC television series.

"Donald Trump is a larger-than-life character, and the Broadway musical stage may be the only medium large enough for him," Weissler, producer of the current revivals of "Chicago" and "Sweet Charity," said Friday in a statement.