Free Range Trickin'

One of the easiest things a Southerner can do is kill a chicken and jump to conclusions. Conclusions come much easier to me, I must confess -- chickens don't come when called. In fact, they kinda run from ya when you come at 'em holding a hatchet. Ya just can't hate 'em for not having a hankerin' for becoming Sunday dinner, but when the choice in front of you is a chicken's life or the rath of your hungry grandmother's hickory switch, you can choke a chicken (literally) pretty damn quick.

This morning, for instance, I read that Tyson Foods, the nation's largest supplier of meat products is engaging in evangelical practices that...well...freak me the fuck out. According to AdAge.com:

What started out as the internal manifestation of Tyson's mission statement -- a set of core values that includes "striving to be a faith-friendly company…and to honor God…" -- has over the last few years morphed into placing 128 part-time chaplains in 78 plants across the country and, now, the external marketing initiative to play a part in mealtime prayer.

You see, in addition to adding spiritual guidance to their employee benefit plan, our friends at Tyson have created a Prayer Book that you can download for free or order one online here. The books are attractive and feature a variety of God-affirming blessings that various folks from various cultures utter before they chow down on any number of roast-beast buffets. This is from the opening remarks from Mister John Tyson

...at Tyson Foods, one of our Core Values is 'to strive to honor God and be respectful of each other, our customers, and other stakeholders'...

Now I don't know about you, but someone from Tyson holding a stake kinda reminds me a bit too much of Vlad the Impaler...

I'll admit, upfront, as someone who enjoys a plate of hot wings every now and then, the bone I have to pick with Tyson isn't about what they do (which would be hypocritical) - it's about how they do what they do (which leaves me a little bit of wiggle room to get my snark on.)

You see, kids - Tyson Foods has a history that's a little more complicated than PETA's website, Tortured by Tyson, would suggest. The company donated enough food after Hurricane Katrina struck to feed a million people and has made a $10 million commitment to one of the nation's most well-respected anti-hunger/anti-poverty organizations.

They've been all-cooped-up with our pal, Bill Clinton - and there were numerous allegations, indictments, trials and criminal investigations associated with the Arkansas based company and our beloved Bubba. They also have been accused of union busting - which was detailed in an episode of NOW on PBS.

Don't get all giddy before you read that, my dear. As was reported a few weeks ago, the former meatpackers union local president "who led a yearlong strike against Tyson Foods Inc. was sentenced to six months in prison for embezzling more than $30,000 in union funds".

Sigh.

If only it were easy to make villains of big industry. If only the folks who were fighting the good fight for living wages didn't act like self-serving assholes sometimes.

It is interesting to note that earlier last month, the Supreme Court, led by our old pal John Roberts sided with labor unions in a class action lawsuit against Tyson Foods. You can read more about that here, but it…um…boils down to this: workers weren't getting paid while they were suiting-up for their chicken killing jobs. And now Tyson has to shell out $7.3 million in past wages.

Sorry for all the chicken references, but this is Tyson we're talking about, after all.

So, here's the..um…rub (sorry!)…Tyson portrays itself as a good and Godly company and despite its rather checkered history, one is left feeling, well, undecided. To a point.

Back in 2003, Joseph C. Hough, president of the Union Theological Seminary chatted with Bill Moyers about what folks say -- like, "I'm all graced by Christ's love and you should be, too - dammit!" and how they act. While Hough's comments were about politicians, I think the same principles can be applied to business.

"I'm getting tired of people claiming they're carrying the banner of my religious tradition when they're doing everything possible to undercut it. And that's what's happening in this country right now, " says Hough, "The policies of this country are disadvantaging poor people every day of our lives."

We'll have to see how it all pans out…it's a big risk Tyson is taking by getting their God on in a mass-market/public relations ploy that borders on creepy, almost hypocritical over-zealousness.

As for me, I feel like chicken tonight.

Posted December 6, 2005 05:37 PM