Mister PIB

I want y’all to meet Matt, my new Pretend Internet Boyfriend (PIB, get it???!!??). I met him today and it’s like, totally amazing.

I was so surprised meeting someone so special. My dating life has pretty much been decimated since I’ve slept with all my friend’s ex-boyfriends in the past three weeks. In retrospect, that wasn’t such a good idea. I mean, I watched Melrose Place and all, but I don’t remember much from, oh, early 1993 to late 1998. Rather than being pessimistic, but not actually bothering to try meeting guys at places other than Fantasy Land “bookstore” or in the bathroom at the Super Wal-Mart at 3 a.m., I decided to go a new route!

I’ve been seeing all these stories on the Today show about online dating and I swear, it’s so true – you can totally find love on the internets. Oh, I’m not talking about www.men4skank2nite.com, Yahoo chat rooms filled with married bi-curious guys that need to travel, or Republican Newspapers featuring gay hooker editors. No, I’m talking about real dating – like learning stuff about guys. And it’s much more than just learning whether they’re a top, bottom or the dreaded “versatile” ( I really don’t want to explain that part – that’s way too personal for an online forum that anyone can read). Sheesh!

See, by typing into Google, I found these people called blogsters and they write all this cool stuff about themselves and important life changing events all around the world. Dating them online is really easy and fun, too. This is how you do it -- find someone that strikes your fancy and then all of a sudden, you’re totally learning everything about them and then you’re suddenly having the best relationship you’ve had with a guy in, like, ever!

I mean, I know so much about Matt now. He’s from New York, he blogs and stuff, and I bet he knows Mindy Cohn, too. I wrote him a note and he wrote back and then I wrote back asking him to be my Pretend Internet Boyfriend and in a couple of hours (after he went to happy hour, I think), he replied:

FR: Matt
TO: Me
SUBJECT: Keeping Secrets (Note: This is a “inside” joke between the two of us)

I've never had a PIB before. Let me know if I go too fast, or if I'm not sensitive enough to your needs, K? I really want this to work.

See…he read my blog too and could totally tell how serious I am about life and stuff and about how much I wanted him to be my PIB. Oh, my God! I never knew that I could like totally fall for somebody in less that 3 and a half hours – but wow! The world is just moving so fast because of iPods and DSL, I guess.

The best part is that even if Matt and I don’t work out, there’s thousands, hundreds two blogsters that I can still stalk e-mail and maybe magic will happen again.

Buns of Steel

Yeah, yeah....Hayden is all hot and stuff.....and Episode 3 is opening Cannes...but c'mon folks...this is the hot news of the movie:

Do the buns happen pre-pregnancy? Or are they the last things Leia will see before hunkalicious Hayden offs Amidala?

I'm in Silky Jumbo heaven.

Third cousin, twice removed.....

What, you may ask is Ben Affleck doing with that considerably smaller young man? He's showing him the love that cousins can show cousins -- in the totally legal and platonic way, silly!

Actually, Ben's cousin is gay and Ben loves his gay cousin, as do lots of celebrities! Well, maybe they don't all love Ben's cousin (he does work in PR) but they do show their affection for their gay brothers, sisters, daughters & sons in a new public awareness campaign designed by PFLAG (Parents & Friends of Lesbians and the Gays).

Well known, politically involved and uber-loved lesbian Chrissy Gephardt is featured along with the brother of Congressman Gregory Meeks and a bevy of other multi-cultural and well-loved family members.

I think it's a kinda sweet and refreshing message. Made me wish I was Ben's cousin, too.....

My Home Away from Home

Anyone familiar with South Saint Louis is well-aware that this part of town has that special charm that one only finds when cousins marry cousins. Oh! But the story doesn't end there -- one cousin ate lead paint while growing up next door to the power plant, and the other cousin's mama underwent shock treatments in the 60s and only has spells now and then. There's something so....I dunno....Deliverance meets Good Times about the while South Side Way of Life.....it's just hard to express.

Hoping to find a visual representation of my South Side Life, I took my camera out biking and captured these images....

Joyce's Mardi Gras Party

My Kinda Store

Someone's Yard it also had concrete benches, so it could be a public park

The Nuke-ular Glow of Sunset

Hero-shima

That Angry Black Bitch and I have been having relationship problems with Katie, Matt, Ann and Al for the past few months. Today’s Today show finally did it for me.

They’ve been running this special – Average Suburban White People Who Do Really Neat Things: (And here’s the really fun part, pick your heart-rending situation):

• We Are Poor – but Proud
• My Children Don’t Have Legs
• I Was Abandoned (parents, husband, wife, etc.) – But I Made It Through with Dignity
• Someone in our Family Is Autistic – but We Still Love Him/Her
• We Chose to Adopt Six “Problem” Children

They also honor folks like, “ I’m from West Virginia, have eight children who don’t talk too good, but I still live ‘em, and I just volunteered to join the Army, coz I love America more” …..and folks like….. “I fell off my girlfriend’s balcony while drunk and am in a wheelchair, but don’t I inspire you?”

Well, maybe I exaggerate a little, but you get the point……it’s all about nice white people who have “problems” but have overcome them in the most heart-warming NBC Dateline kinda way. And they’re surprised by an audience of hundreds of well wishers – “hidden” right outside the doors of wherever the live interview is taking place. Yeah – several hundred people right outside your door is some surprise, especially since they’re cheering the whole flipping show.

So…in today’s segment we heard how this great couple has done so much for these “poor” children and then there’s a special surprise where the parents are rewarded with a vacation. Yeah – that’s a really great message for kids that have “problems” and have been “abandoned.” Mommy and Daddy love you soooo much that these nice TV people are sending Mommy and Daddy away for a vacation from your trouble-making, stress inducing, limbless, nights-by-the-bedside, awe (or is that awwwwwwww)-inducing ass. And guess what kids!?! Your crazy “grandma,” who thought they were crazy for adopting you in the first place, is gonna watch you while they’re gone! Better yet – some no-name amateur local sports celebrity is going to take you to Olive Garden every night while Mommy and Daddy have a good time away from you, while “Grandma” gets drunk in her trailer.

Maybe I’m just all cynical and shit – but if they really wanted to do something “special” for these Everyday Heroes – why doesn’t GE and NBC cough up a college fund, send grannie to rehab, get the kids some new prosthetics and pay for the family’s mortgage?

From Russia with Love

I'm a bit worried about the last rate dentist part, but I may have found the international man of distinction that I've always dreamed of....his typing and grammar need a little work....but love can learn him!

---

I do not know as to write the similar messages, because to it never
was engaged, but I liked your profile on gay.com.
And I have decided, that we shall approach to each other. Me call
Konstantin,
but you can we to call simply Kostya.
I live in Russia and consequently to me very hardly to find the partner
here.
Me have helped to find this site in agency of acquaintances and now I is
happy
to write to you.
It will be interesting to you likely to learn about me.
I the student and me 22 years.
I study at university as the dentist on last rate.
I have chosen this trade that I like to help the people.
I live in city Zelenodolsk is a small city, but I here was born
and it very much is pleasant to me.
I live with the parents and very much I love them.
I can write about very many more, but I am afraid,
that can you is not pleasant because of the appearance or young age.
I also would like to learn slightly about you
and to be defined in correctness of the choice.
I hope to receive from you the answer to mine e-mail:
[redacted]@mail.ru
Write only on this address, because I shall not have any more access on
gay.com,
Because me have given access in agency only for 2 days.
I shall finish the letter today with hope to receive the answer from you
on
e-mail [redacted]@mail.ru

D&G - Over and Out

It's like, totally, fashion splitsville lately.......

Dolce and Gabbana confirm love split

The fashion industry's hottest couple, Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana, have put an end to months of speculation by confirming they've broken up. The Italian design maestros have given a candid interview revealing that although they will continue to work together on the label they co-founded, their romantic relationship is now over.

Pitcher Perfect

Ryan did a good job explaining our cockamamie attempt to have a semi-interesting, yet irony-laden evening last night. Pitchers restaurant at the Marriott downtown actually has really tasty, spicy hot wings and The Grind has free wireless and spicier Bosnia fellas to admire. Originally, I hadn't planned on doing anything -- I vowed to take this weekend off to dry out rest and relax. I actually had a fun time - and I was pretty tickled that the evening didn't end with me being a boozed up floozy, which has been happening a bit too frequently for my liking. I'm more of an over-caffeinated n'er do well right now at 4:18 a.m. - and that's a definite step up for me!

We took the spy cam to the Grind and took these:

America: More Blahnik than Brainiac

I've been spending hours today online -- and it didn't even involve surfing gay porn!

Anyway, I came across this article at AdAge (requires registration) and started playing with some of the numbers that anyone can access at U.S. Department of Labor Bureau of Labor Statistics.

What I find very curious is that even though only 23% of Americans are smoking, we smokers spend more on cigarettes than the entire country does on reading (as a country, we're also reading less -- but that's another issue).

We're spending more on footware (Ryan suggests Carrie Bradshaw Syndrome), less on apparel (Old Navy?) and Dubya has indeed come through -- dollars spent on taxes have gone down 20% in the past decade. But it looks to me that those savings are going right to prescription drugs and healthcare. On the plus side, we're buying less flooring -- I guess to offset the 30 plus-percent more that we're spending on health insurance, booze and telephone service.

So here's to booze, cigarettes and fast food (food away from home is up almost 25%!). We champions of unhealthy living clearly do more for the GNP than all them book-readin' liberal hippies!

Sigh - I think porn would have been more fun that these numbers:

DOLLARS DOLED & DISPENSED
The average U.S. household spent $40,817 in 2003.
The average U.S. household spent $30,692 in 1993.
By Dollars Spent - ranked by 2003 $ spent
We spent $ on:	1993 $ Spent	2003 $ Spent	$ Diff	% Diff
Fats & Oils	$78	$86	$8	9.30%
Floor Coverings	$87	$52	-$35	-67.31%
Laundry & Cleaning Supplies	$103	$132	$29	21.97%
Postage	$113	$133	$20	15.04%
Sugar & Other Sweets	$113	$119	$6	5.04%
Reading	$166	$127	-$39	-30.71%
Beef	$234	$246	$12	4.88%
Footware	$249	$294	$45	15.31%
Alcohol	$268	$391	$123	31.46%
Tobacco	$268	$290	$22	7.59%
Pets, Toys & Playground Equipment	$293	$378	$85	22.49%
Drugs: RX & Non-RX	$301	$467	$166	35.55%
Personal care products & services	$385	$527	$142	26.94%
Education	$455	$783	$328	41.89%
TVs, Radios	$590	$730	$140	19.18%
Telephone	$658	$956	$298	31.17%
Health Insurance	$800	$1,252	$452	36.10%
Cash contributions	$961	$1,369	$408	29.80%
Entertainment	$1,626	$2,060	$434	21.07%
Food away from home	$1,664	$2,211	$547	24.74%
Apparel	$1,676	$1,640	-$36	-2.20%
Health care	$1,776	$2,416	$640	26.49%
Federal Income Taxes	$2,217	$1,843	-$374	-20.29%
Food at home	$2,735	$3,129	$394	12.59%
Personal Taxes	$2,978	$2,532	-$446	-17.61%
Shelter	$5,415	$7,887	$2,472	31.34%
Transportation	$5,453	$7,781	$2,328	29.92%
Housing	$9,636	$13,432	$3,796	28.26%
Difference in % from 1993 to 2003
We spent $ on:	1993 $ Spent	2003 $ Spent	$ Diff	% Diff
Education	$455	$783	$328	41.89%
Health Insurance	$800	$1,252	$452	36.10%
Drugs: RX & Non-RX	$301	$467	$166	35.55%
Alcohol	$268	$391	$123	31.46%
Shelter	$5,415	$7,887	$2,472	31.34%
Telephone	$658	$956	$298	31.17%
Transportation	$5,453	$7,781	$2,328	29.92%
Cash contributions	$961	$1,369	$408	29.80%
Housing	$9,636	$13,432	$3,796	28.26%
Personal care products & services	$385	$527	$142	26.94%
Health care	$1,776	$2,416	$640	26.49%
Food away from home	$1,664	$2,211	$547	24.74%
Pets, Toys & Playground Equipment	$293	$378	$85	22.49%
Laundry & Cleaning Supplies	$103	$132	$29	21.97%
Entertainment	$1,626	$2,060	$434	21.07%
TVs, Radios	$590	$730	$140	19.18%
Footware	$249	$294	$45	15.31%
Postage	$113	$133	$20	15.04%
Food at home	$2,735	$3,129	$394	12.59%
Fats & Oils	$78	$86	$8	9.30%
Tobacco	$268	$290	$22	7.59%
Sugar & Other Sweets	$113	$119	$6	5.04%
Beef	$234	$246	$12	4.88%
Apparel	$1,676	$1,640	-$36	-2.20%
Personal Taxes	$2,978	$2,532	-$446	-17.61%
Federal Income Taxes	$2,217	$1,843	-$374	-20.29%
Reading	$166	$127	-$39	-30.71%
Floor Coverings	$87	$52	-$35	-67.31%
Source: Some analysis by Advertising Age's American Demographics of Bureau of Labor Statistics data. © Copyright 2005 Crain Communications Inc. Other data provided by the government of the U S of A!

Lost & Found

A desperate plea for lost love.[Craigslist]

Lost Huband - 53
Please I have lost my husband, and I love him very much. If anyone goes to PORKY'S IN EAST ALTON, PLEASE PASS THIS MESSAGE ON TO JOHN HUCH.

"PUNKYBEAR, MISSES YOU, IS SORRY, TRULY WANTS TO RECONCILE. LEAVING FOR SAN DIEGO SOON. PLEASE CALL A.S.A.P." He has my number.

Barnabas Redux

Biased press?!? Pshaw! This is Michael Moore meets Fangoria!

Negroponte Joins Dark Power Shadows

Prensa Latina
--Havana, Feb 18

The George W. Bush government is a team of shadows whose highest ranking officials rank among the darkest of US reactionary political fauna, Granma newspaper´s international page denounces Friday.

According to the paper, each time Bush nominates an official for a post, he picks the worst of all, and together, they make up the worst, gloomiest, cruelest and most messianic administration of all.

His recent nomination of John Negroponte as first national intelligence chief, a position above the country´s spying network, with huge powers and a large budget, proves the above-mentioned assessment.

From now on, Negroponte will direct US spies and the agents who torture and scheme assassinations and coups in the world.

As ambassador to Iraq for less than a year, he became the US proconsul, the figure on which the "Government" of Iyad Allawi counts for all decisions, the mastermind of atrocities such as the rocking of Fallujah, torture camps, assassination of journalists and shut down the numerous irregularities, frauds and bribes.

His dossier is as sordid as his role in Iraq.

--READ MORE HERE...

Boil and Bubble....

Wonder if this guy ever heard of an EZ Bake Oven?
Man broke into homes to cook meth.

Valentine's Dispatches Discharges

Geez....and after all my trips to the Doctor's office this week, all I got was an eczema diagnosis.......

An Open Letter to My Valentine
I am glad you enjoyed the Valentine chocolates. I have to admit, I had originally thought it may be a bit over the top to bring you heart shaped chocolates on Valentines Day, but was happy that you found the gesture to be romantic. As for your gift to me? I typically LOVE the non-traditional gift. I think it speaks volumes when a would-be suitor thinks nonlinearly and brings me the unexpected. That said, I must say that your Valentine gift, of Gonorrhea, although certainly non-traditional, was NOT welcome.

She's Hideous

I am so intrigued.....and kinda annoyed that I missed this when it had it's world debut last October.

What has me scratching my head though is the...um...slight difference between "farcically deformed" and "horrifically deformed".

There's a difference, right?

----Set in 1920s Vienna, She's Hideous tells the darkly funny story of an expressionist painter (Colin DeVaughan) suffering a nasty case of artists' block. Things begin to look up, however, after a chance encounter with the farcically deformed Wanda (Amy Schwarz), who quickly becomes an unlikely muse.

----She's Hideous is a concert musical in one act with music and lyrics by recent Washington University alumnus Eric Dienstfrey (Arts and Sciences, '04) about a young artist who exploits his horrifically deformed girlfriend in his newest painting.

She's Hideous
February 18
7:30 pm (see updated info below)
Mildred Lane Kemper Art Museum
(formerly Washington University Gallery of Art)

PBS Poo-Bah Punts Post -- Buster Brouhaha Blamed

So..... this story seems to focus too much on "actual lesbians"....and it's too bad this successful woman is stepping down.

She drew recent criticism from both liberals and conservatives for "Postcards From Buster," in which the title character, an animated bunny named Buster, traveled to Vermont - a state known for recognizing same-sex civil unions. Though the focus was on farm life and maple sugaring, the episode, entitled "Sugartime," featured an actual lesbian couple.

Schindler's Lisp

Some folks in San Francisco have taken Abercrombie (and their admirers) to task - equating them to Nazis. So many of the gays worship and follow this fashion brand (and lifestyle) and it has always been a bit horrifying to me. I thought I was being clever with my little draw-wrings, but these folks are engaged in a full on culture jammin' war - no holds barred!
Phototopia: Boys of Nuremberg

In case you didn't hear, the company settled a discrimination lawsuit last year.
Official Website for Class Action Suit Against Abercrombie

On November 16, 2004, the Court granted preliminary approval to a settlement of the class action lawsuit, Gonzalez v. Abercrombie & Fitch. The settlement requires the retail clothing giant to pay $40 million dollars to Latino, African American, Asian American and women applicants and employees who charged the company with discrimination. The settlement also requires the company to institute a range of policies and programs to promote diversity among its workforce and to prevent discrimination based on race or gender.

Romeo Blue

Learn more fascinating things about my darling Romeo here.

My favorite:

Still going by the name Romeo Blue, Lenny ended up meeting Lisa Bonet at a New Edition concert.

If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill, I'll be at this show:

LENNY KRAVITZ
Saturday, May 7, 2005
Tickets $42.00 Main Floor
General Admission - All Ages
Balcony Reserved - 21 & over
On Sale Date: Friday 2/18/05 - 5pm

TICKETS AVAILABLE AT THE PAGEANT BOX OFFICE,
ALL TICKETMASTER LOCATIONS,
BY PHONE AT (314) 421-4400
OR LOG ON TO WWW.TICKETMASTER.COM

New and Improved HIV - Can Kill You Faster Than Ever!

I spent several hours tonight volunteering for an organization that provides housing for men, women and children living with HIV/AIDS. I came home and started browsing my usual online haunts and stumbled across this bit of alarming news.

Doctors discover new HIV strain

While HIV strains that are resistant to some drug treatments have been on the rise in recent years throughout the United States, city officials said this case was unique and worrisome for several reasons.

First, they said, the strain of the disease was resistant to three of the four classes of drugs used to treat HIV from the moment the patient got sick. Typically, drug resistance comes after a patient is treated with retroviral drugs, often because they go off the prescribed course. And, more often than not, a person is only resistant to one or two classes of drugs.

But the resistance comes in combination with its rapid transformation into AIDS. Each of those things has been seen before, but never together.

In this case, the patient developed AIDS from 2 to 10 months after being infected. Usually, it takes 10 years for the average person infected with HIV to develop AIDS.

I am really afraid that this nostalgic return to the 1980's is going to turn from legwarmers and Izods to public hysteria and weekly funerals.

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y

When I was little, Saturdays loomed large on the horizon each and every week.

Saturdays meant a trip to town, jumping into my mom’s pear green Impala, and riding down the quarter of a mile dirt road that lead from our farmhouse up to the blacktopped road that snaked through 10 miles of countryside to Hodgenville (population 3,000). Hodgenville was “town” to me all those years ago – and it still carries the same connotation. Whenever I ask my mom what’s going on back home, I mean “what’s going on in town?”

What’s going on in town these days are six funerals last week and a job offer. At 73, my mom’s been offered a job at City Hall! She’s kinda tickled, very flattered, and probably gonna take it. Like she said to me last night, “What else should I do – sit here, watch Days and pet the cat?” She’s gonna get her hair styled tomorrow and think about it. In the south, all major decisions involve group discussion at the beauty shop.

Nellie’s Curly Q, which later became Juanita’s, has been many ladies’ hair destination/decision mitigation facility, for more than forty years. Juanita had a dramatic, dark as midnight beehive and thoroughly loved gossip. Thinking about her, she now reminds me of equal parts Lisa Marie (with Elvis), Elizabeth Taylor (without booze), Delta Burke & LuLu Roman (somewhere between Hee Haw and early Designing Women). With those mile high ringlets of black hair, sparkly bright eyes, quick fingers and quicker barbs, she was my childhood role model for beauty and scandal. Juanita wanted me to go to law school. I chose art school. She was wiser than I ever credited her for.

Anyway, my mom would take me to the library; she’d get her hair done at Juanita’s (while I sat up front eavesdropping on the gossip, reading my library books and sometimes, People Magazine); we’d go the grocery and then on to the dime store, Dollar General, or Rite Aid. In retrospect, town was all about consumerism (except the library). But when I was little, it was about getting away from a very lonely life on the farm, miles and miles away from library books and new socks and cans that mooed like cows when turned upside down.

I realized last Saturday, while I was riding my bike all around town (St. Louis –whose population seems like 3,000 sometimes), that Saturdays haven’t carried such promise for me since I left Kentucky 16 years ago. From the time I entered college, up until 5 years ago, I worked on Saturdays. Since I’ve left the service industry, Saturdays have become days of chores, laundry, sleeping, cleaning, and yes, shopping. But, shopping on Saturdays now kinda gets me down. I relish the memory of tripping about the store light hearted and amazed by all the new things I would try to slip into the grocery cart, cajole by bragging about my hundred on the spelling test, or flat-out beg ad plead to have. Now, I have a list that accompanies me on my Saturday errands and all I want to do is get through the list and get back home. What’s fun in that?

Tomorrow I’m riding my bike and then volunteering at a fundraiser for Doorways, which provides housing for people living with HIV/AIDS. I want to claim my Saturdays back for activity that makes me giddy or gives back something more than cash to the clerk at Walgreens. When I go to bed tomorrow night, hopefully, I will have started a trend -- my Saturday won’t be focused on washing my drawers and buying some deodorant.

Heathen that I am, I can save all that crap for Sunday.

Howdy, Howard!

I guess it's official? I thought there'd be some balloons or glitter or some hollering or something. I am sad that my clearly-they-know-my-first-name letter is just some mass produced political message!!

But....yay! Dean!

Dear Rob,

I couldn't let the final days of my four years as Chairman of the Democratic Party go by without offering you one last message of thanks. I have been deeply moved by all the kind words I have heard in recent days about what we have achieved in strengthening our Party.

And I am always aware that the praise for the remarkable progress our Party has made is really aimed at people like you - those who have stood by the Democratic Party through thick and thin.

On Saturday when I turn the role of Party Chairman over to Howard Dean - and every day for the rest of my life - I will proudly count myself among the rank and file Democrats who are the heart of our Party.

Thanks so much for your passion, energy, commitment and support.

Sincerely,

Terry McAuliffe
Chairman

Posted by robthurman at 12:59 PM | Comments (0)

All This Drama!

My co-worker, Pamela has been on a diet for the past month. And while she has been having much success, she's reached a point where all she can do is tell it like it is -- no grease equates to no bullshit in her carb, sugar and liquor deprived world. Upon today's announcement on the upcoming nuptials over there in Londontown, she had me rolling on the floor with her own unique spin on the next Royal wedding.

None of this mess would have ever happened if Mama had kept her nose outta his business. See, he liked that horsy faced woman long before he ever met Diana. But Camilla was seen hanging out with all these different men and she might be having all these other men’s babies and not the Prince’s.

So, Charles got shipped off to France or Mozambique or somewhere and Camilla had a Sistah Girl moment and said “Oh no, he didn’t!” and got with his friend Bowles. Charles gets back and has to marry some dumb ass 19 year old who doesn’t understand why everybody else keeps saying “she’s so beautiful” but all she can say to herself is “why come he won’t touch me?” So she throws herself down the stairs and throws up food and then gets divorced and dies. Now Charles and that horsy faced girl are getting married anyway and all this shit could have been avoided if Mamma Majesty hadn’t jumped up into her child’s business in the first place!

I hope she will continue to embrace this new bitchiness -- and is welcome to do so.....'coz I just purchased the domain www.angryblackbitch.com and I'm gonna give it to her birthday (which is next week). Hopefully, we'll have her up and bitching by then. She's been saying she wants to blog..... so... welcome to the club, Pamela!

Semper Fabulous!

*** Sound Effect ***
*** Gay cackle ***
Oh, children! All this gay boy drama around the White House. Didn't Nancy have some queens causing some mischief up in there back in the day....or was that Queen Elizabeth?

Anyway....the story is that some twisted right-wing-self-loathing homo lobbed soft "balls" (ahem) at the Prez and his Press Secretary (codeword bottom) while pushing the President's agenda in bogus news stories and articles. Bogus news stories channeled from the Oval Office?!? Pish Posh!

NPR : Conservative Reporter Resigns Amid Controversy

Liberal bloggers have disclosed that Gannon, who has little previous journalism experience, was easily granted a coveted White House press pass -- even though he did not work for a traditional or established news organization. He also routinely asked "softball" questions at press conferences. There are also allegations that Gannon is linked to Web sites with homoerotic themes.

Folks are hollering for a Prosecution: We Demand a Special Prosecutor for "Jeff Gannon"

It is obvious that there was a conspiracy between "Gannon," McClellan, and other top White House officials to run "smear" campaigns against White House "enemies" and to interfere with tough questions by real White House reporters. This is unacceptable in a Democracy.

This fella is all over it: AMERICAblog

It's a long and sordid tale, but let me give it to you in a nutshell. Mr. Gannon's home page is JeffGannon.com. Well, JeffGannon.com is owned by a person and company that owns the following Web addresses as well:
Hotmilitarystud.com
Militaryescorts.com
Militaryescortsm4m.com
And for those of you who are really straight or really clueless, "m4m" is a gay online term for men who are looking to have sex with other men, and "escort" means prostitute. And being a military escort is also against the Uniform Code of Military Justice in at least two different ways, if not more.

And this site points out a bigger issue than Dubya's soft balls: Daily Kos

"Jeff Gannon" from fake news agency "Talon News" was cited by the Washington Post as having the only access to an internal CIA memo that named Joseph Wilson's wife, Valerie Plame, as a covert CIA agent. Gannon, in a question posed to Wilson in an October 2003 interview, referred to the memo (to which no other news outlet had access, according to the Post). Gannon subsequently has been subpoenaed by the federal grand jury looking into the Plame outing.

Shit....we all know that queens can't keep secrets.

Dudes.......start your engines

Looks like a good day for tokers all around. Matthew McConaughey's terribly unfortunate bongos & blunt incident (he was nekkid, even) must finally be behind him, since he's been tapped to be the Grand Marshall of the Daytona 500.

He is quoted saying,"There is nothing more American than NASCAR and the Daytona 500."

Well, I dunno know about that. Grand Marshalling a crummy Hee Haw on Meth event in hopes that you'll get in a few plugs about your upcoming, HI-larious new film with Sarah Michelle Jessica Alba Simpson Gellar Parker might also be decidedly American.

See... where I stay, we have a another phrase for "decidedly American." It's called selling out to revive your once-dead-and-now-only-hanging-by-a-thread-career.

So...VICTORY!!!!! Wave those Penzoil flags, burn through gallons of overpriced oil and eat your apple pie fritters (we're eating again 'coz that carb thing was just too difficult).

Dude, the power of Christ compels you.......

Has anyone noticed that when the Pope speaks, he sounds very much like the Demon Pazuzu?

Anyway.....

Yet another strange pairing of image and headline -- but this time I'm trying to imagine that Dralion demon hunter taking on Linda Blair:

Totally rockin' Keanu blog here.

Is there a Doctor in the House?

I woke up this morning a little under the weather. I thought my 20 mile bike ride Saturday had done me in, since it has been so long since I’ve ridden, I'm so outta shape, etc.

I think I’m just plain-ole-sick. I wish I was just sore from the workout. I feel like shit - and it's getting worse.

See, whenever I swallow, (which, right now, is, like, totally all the time, OMG!) a gooey pile of phlegm, feeling like it’s coated in broken glass, shoots out of a overly raw hole just beneath my ear and painfully zigzags down my throat. Upon catching this painful lump in the base of my throat, I suck it down and am met by an intense pain that extends upwards from my clavicle, coursing through my cheeks, pushing out another hot and nasty ball of snot to take its place.

The lymph node under my ear is hot and throbbing, my body is chilled to the core and there is a nasty pain in my throat that won’t go away.

Waaahhhhh.

Fried Eggs and Bacon

Thankfully, I've recovered from yesterday's egg-induced trauma.

Thanks to Kelly, I've now discovered an alternative to fretting about making eggs -- I can wear them: Crafts Gone Bad -- Fried Eggs and Bacon Fashion Bag & Hat

--Photo from Cult 45 Bookshop

How to Make an Omelet

Today, I thought I'd make an omelet.....but I wanted to fancy it up, so I looked around for some recipes. While I should have followed the first recipe, I wound up passing out in my kitchen corner in a hazy fog, plumes of smoke billowing from my stove top.....read on.

Simple

How to Make an Omelet
From the South Beach Diet folks

Omelets are just as easy to make, and they allow you to introduce variety while impressing your family and friends. Simply follow these easy steps for making a perfect omelet.

1. Start by cracking 2 or 3 eggs into a bowl.

2. Beat the eggs with a wire whisk or fork until the whites and yolk are combined but not foamy. You can add a couple of tablespoons of nonfat milk or water to make the eggs fluffier.

3. Add a little salt and pepper to season.

4. Heat an 8- to 10-inch nonstick skillet over medium heat. The smaller the skillet, the easier it will be to manage your omelet. If you're using more than 2 to 3 eggs, use a bigger skillet.

5. Coat the pan with a little olive or canola oil and allow it to come to temperature. You'll know when it's ready to go when a drop of water sizzles in the skillet.

6. Once the oil is hot, pour in the eggs and make sure they're evenly distributed by gently shaking the pan back and forth.

7. The eggs will begin to set after 20 or 30 seconds. Once the edges are set, gently push them toward the center and allow the uncooked liquid to flow into the exposed skillet.

8. Now it's time to start adding your filling. Take whatever you've chosen as your filling and place it on one-half of the omelet. Don't add too much, or else you may have a hard time folding it.

9. Once the eggs are more or less cooked, use a spatula to fold the empty half of the omelet on top of the full half.

10. Slide the finished omelet out of the skillet and onto your plate, and garnish with a sprig of parsley or some shredded, low-fat cheese.

Simpleton

Omelet 101
from Martha Stewart

Bless her heart, but she just has to make everything so god-damn difficult. I've added my commentary [in red] to these atom-splitting instructions.

1. Heat the clarified butter [What the hell is that?] in a skillet over a medium-high flame. Whisk the eggs, salt, and freshly ground pepper together very well while the pan is heating, not before. If they have to sit and wait for the pan, the whisked eggs will deflate. You want to incorporate lots of air into the mixture so that your omelet is light and fluffy. [Deflation - bad, bad!!!!]

2. Place your hand immediately above the skillet. When your palm feels warm, the skillet is ready to start cooking. Working fast, pour the whisked eggs into the hot skillet. Reduce heat to medium. Simultaneously, whisk the eggs and shake the skillet vigorously back and forth over heat for less than a minute. You want to keep the eggs moving, incorporating some of the runny parts with the more-cooked parts until there are some curds swimming in the eggs. Stop whisking. [I'm sorry - but I needed to take a Xanax to deal with this overly anxious piece of instruction: hand near heat, simultaneously (always an anxiety producing word), fast and vigorous....now stop!!!!!!!!]

3. Continue cooking, being sure eggs cover the entire surface of the skillet, using a rubber spatula to push together any holes that may have formed. [ahhhh...Xanax working...this I can do]

4. Run the rubber spatula along the right side of the omelet to loosen eggs from the skillet. Place the spatula under the right side of the eggs, making sure that the spatula is well underneath the eggs to offer maximum support, and lift the right side over the left in one fluid motion. The folded omelet should look like a half-moon. [Wait! Are we supposed to put something in it, first?]

5. Lightly press down on the omelet with the spatula to seal the omelet together. Do not press hard; you do not want to flatten the curds. Check to make sure the handle of the skillet is still facing directly out toward you. [Flat curds - bad! But all this body positioning.....need another Xanax?]

6. Lift up the skillet with one hand, and hold the plate with your other hand. Tilt the skillet, and let the curved edge of the omelet slide onto the plate. Quickly invert the skillet, folding the portion of the omelet that is left in the skillet over the curved edge already on the plate. Keeping the skillet about stomach level with the handle facing directly out should help you do this. Garnish with a parsley sprig. [Once again, I feel like I need to be a karate master to handle all coordinated efforts!]

Once the Xanax haze clears, I'm going to Uncle Bill's.