A Year From Now....

....you probably won't be thinking about Terri Schiavo.

But I imagine her husband and her parents and her siblings will still be - once, twice, a hundred times a day.

I know I think about my dad that often.

When a 400 pound piece of machine rolled over my dad in the top of our grain silo, it pinned him down, forcing his face into the silage and suffocated him. He lay there, choking to death for more than 15 minutes. His lungs filled with rotting corn, he stopped breathing and he died. My brother and I found him within 15 minutes of the accident. We pulled his body from underneath the machinery and did our best to breathe life into his body. His lungs only rattled when I blew air into them and I have never been able to find the words to describe that terrifyingly hollow sound.

Paramedics flew in and they climbed through the top of the silo and they ripped his clothes off him so they could apply electric paddles to his chest. I cannot remember how many times they pumped his body full of electricity but I wish I could forget what it was like to see his body jump into the air when the paramedic cried, “Clear!” They put his body on a gurney, secured his neck with a brace and airlifted his body to Louisville, 60 miles from my parents’ farm.

While my brother was driving my mother to the hospital, I called my sister, my aunts and uncles and told them what happened. I remember standing in the kitchen of the house where I grew up saying, “Dad was hurt in an accident….” There was silage in my shoes that crunched against my toes -- the smell of dried, rotting corn husks lingering in my nose.

When I got to the hospital, I learned they had resuscitated my dad, but he was severely brain damaged. As the swelling subsided, his eyes would flitter and suddenly blink open – his blue green eyes turned milky grey and the wry craftiness that always sparkled in them whenever he spoke was gone. He was there, alive, in one way….but what was unique and special to my dad was gone.

It took a day for everyone to get to the hospital. From far and wide, my family gathered together and the point came when a doctor asked my mother what medical measures she wanted to take. I will be the first to admit, that sitting there, holding my dad’s hand, his eyes sometimes popping open, his head sometimes twitching, that we wanted to believe that he could be….he would be okay. But they showed us the scans from his brain…and even the most wishful thinking couldn’t overcome that horrible imagery.

My father was a tinkerer; he read two newspapers every day; when he was 62, he retired from farming and went back to school getting his GED. He was thoughtful and deliberate and I loved him very much. But that was not my father in that bed. His brain…..his brain was a nasty mess of bloated disfigured mass. There was no brain wave activity. And my mother made the decision to remove the tubes that were keeping him alive. Watching him finally stop breathing was no great solace, no great relief……it was horrible and painful and thinking about it makes me cry ten years later.

I want to make one thing clear, I don’t begrudge Terri Schiavo’s parents for wanting to keep their little girl alive. But I don’t believe that Terri (as they knew her and loved her) was there for them at all. Bulimia, a heart attack and brain damage had already taken their little girl even though her body was still present.

I am, however, outraged by politicians who accuse Michael Schiavo of killing her. Anyone who has had to witness a loved one removed from feeding tubes (or any sort of life support) does not do so skipping around the bed. You don’t gleefully pull the plug. That’s bullshit. And Dubya mouthing off about erring on the side of life…well….too damn bad he didn’t do that before he sent 1,000+ Americans off to die in a bogus war.

But…that’s enough…. I’m done. I won’t start the wrangling here….I just had to say something…..for whatever reason. I’m simply going to sign off now and go call my mother. There’s been enough family drama today…and though unlikely, I hope that Terri’s family and Michael Schiavo find some peace of mind as Terri, herself, finally rests in peace.

Screaming Mimis

I've been wanting to use this little illustration I made a few years ago......gays and 14 year old girls who "have a dream" all have cause to rejoice.

Biker. Blogger. Believer.

Today's bike ride through the south side (and the second in my lame photo diary entries) took me down to Soulard - one of, if not the, oldest neighborhoods in St. Louis.

Many of us joke that in the alphabet of cities, St. Louis is the A to B....and the aroma of A.B.'s malty hops cannot be missed.

Next, I swung by one of the St. Louis finest, if not creepiest, Catholic churches.

Hey, Mary!

I did pick up one of my favorite local newspapers.You can always count on The Evening Whirl.....

On the way home, I caught some shots of the Magnolias in bloom.

And I simply must ride by this house, even though I believe that it's haunted. There's ghosts up in there. Trust.

Julie's Jewels

Today's Random Straight Girl Online Porn Solicitation Going to a Gay Man E-mail Winner:

My name is Julie :) Most of the time very shyyy.... girlfriend toled me to have fun online, where I put all my pics and videos ;). It's neet how my private life is inside one website ;) All it needs is age verification..
Hope you'll anjoy my new hobby as much as I do :)

My reply:

Honey, I enjoyed that you correctly spelled verification but kinda screwed up with shy, told, neat and enjoy.

If you have a boyfriend, brother, uncle, coach or DILF...keep me posted.

P.S.

I love how my private life is inside one website, too.

Bi Bi Baby

Hey!

In addition to my bi-positions at the paper and telephone directory, I'm trying to find time for my bi-coastal paramours...and now....I'm bi-publishing here!

Bi is clearly the new black.

Surprise Mirrors

For someone who is tortured by weight issues, I am one vain mother-fucker.

Anytime, I see a camera poised for snapshots, I summon my inner Dawn Davenport ("I love flashbulbs!"), turn my head, open my mouth (in faux surprise), tilt my chin and lovingly gaze at the lens (examples here, here, here.....) It’s a look. It’s my personal branding strategy. It’s terribly self-involved, I know it....but it gets me through the day.

sigh......$30,000 in loans for an unused photography degree, but I can at least pose for a photo.

I am, however, always rattled by surprise mirrors.

They're all over the damned mall. There you are, all alone, and even though earlier you were hating yourself coz those jeans at the Gap felt too tight, you still stop by Mrs. Fields and get a cookie and a Coke-Cola. You’re shoving said cookie in your mouth and you turn the corner only to be confronted by a ghastly reflection of yourself in the windows at Express Men. Do they deliberately position them to make your waist look as fucking wide as possible? And must you always encounter a surprise mirror when your dressed your schlubbiest, your hair non-did, retaining 5 extra pounds of water weight and a big ole zit on your chin? Is this some sort of conspiracy to destroy whatever confidence you might gain from impulse shopping?

I hate, hate, HATE surprise mirrors. And there should be a law. Congress seems to be spending time on stupider shit lately.

I had a bit of a self-reflective surprise when I surfed over to Queerday to check out the latest homo news. Lo and behold, there I was:

I cannot even remember when I put that personal ad out there. It is well over a year-and-a-half old (I hadn't even developed my personal branding strategy). Thank God it's a cute photo and my bio reads like I'm slightly kooky and not totally kinky.

Not that I’m not kinky – but that’s a surprise I share on my own terms.

In the bedroom.

With the lights out.

Awe-roscope

Today's Aqueerian Horoscope via Astrology.com:

So if there's someone out there in the world who's been on your mind lately, but lives more than a hop, skip and a jump away, you won't be willing to let a pesky thing like thousands of miles get in the way. Good for you. Get on the plane!

Behind you imbecil!

Hey, it's Good Friday.

While good Catholics are obsessing over the crucifixion, good Protestants are obsessing over their Easter fashions. That whole crown of thorns, soiled loincloth and bloody, nail-skewered hands --not the best look....

One thing that all Christians (and maybe even a few Jews, Muslims, Buddhists and hell-bound atheists) can agree on: decorative cakes in the shape of chickens......a very good thing!

Imagine my surprise seeing this message in my inbox on this holiest of days:
Meet Singles With Christian Principles

How sweet: "Our anniversary is the day Jesus died."

Upon further inspection of the e-mail there was a big, blank empty space, some random html code and then this passage at the very bottom:

....theres was a lot of curiosity regarding the spanish phrases that some enemies spoke. So to satisfy that curiosity this guide was created, as well, the guide includes lots of interesting details.....

A guide for Spanish phrases spoken by some enemies?

This Friday just got really good!

Enjoy and Happy Easter!

Good Friday Spanish Enemy Translation Guide
for Principled, Single Christians.

"Spanish Enemy" Phrases	Christian Principle
Te voy a matar	I'm going to kill you!
No dejes que escape de la isla	Don't let him get away from island
Mira!... esta herido	Look! He is hurt
Ahi esta!	There he is
Morir es vivir	To die is to live
Gojedlo!	Grab him!
Atras de ti imbecil!	Behind you imbecil!
Te coji!	Gotcha! or I **** you
Muere, muere....	Die, die....
Sera mejor que empiezes a rezar	You Better start praying
Basta hijo de ****	Stop you son of *****
Matenlo!	Kill HIM!
Muerete!	DIE!
Te voy a romper en pedazos	I'll break you in to pieces
Un forastero!	A foreigner! or A stranger!
Cerebro, cerebro, cerebro	Brain, brain, brain
Es hora de aplastar(lo)	Is time to crush (crush him)
Mi**da	Poo
Puedes correr pero no resistir	You might run but wont resist
Te voy hacer picadillo	I'll make you mincemeat
So cerdo	You pig

Girl On The Go!

I thought I was busy - but today, I got this little note from much-beloved bartendress Nancy Novak. Uncut, unedited, and presented as is....here's a glimpse of Nancy's life. Just for fun - try reading it out loud and see you far you can go before you need to breathe -- or take a Xanax....

- - - - - -

Subject: Just quick e-mail...cause I gotta go...

Hello everyone. I'm really busy right now. I got a contract on my house, I put a contract on a new house, I've got a cold that has my ears clogged, my computer is in the hospital...l'm borrowing Amy P.'s laptop. I'm going out of town for a couple of days, I'm closing on my house and closing on my new house in less than 30 days which means of course that I have to move, I have a camping trip that I'm going on, my house is a mess and the new buyers want to bring Mom over tomorrow to see their new house, I have a Drag King Show tomorrow night and a benefit for my friend Ophelia Butz, it's Good Friday and we are having a ....party at Novak's on Friday, Saturday is Heather's Birthday and Sunday is Easter and my girls family and my family are eating Easter Dinner together at 1, then going to the Adult Easter Egg Hunt at 5 at Novak's, and then watching the great band...Fruit Jam at 7 (St. Louis' own GLBT Band), and then planning the football bootcamp chalk board session at Novak's this Sat. at 2 instead of practicing, organizing our Friday night softball league that begins Aprill 22 which could still use another new team or two, and looking for an experienced softball coach to organize a group of girls that want to play softball. And also getting ready to start the patio building,...any day now, and getting the Martini Bar next door opened soon...and taking care of my woman...and all my staff, and preparing for April's & May's events....geez...I'm busy.Wouldn't you say? Okay, well I'm going to bed now so I can see you all at the Drag King Show .. $10.00 cover...all proceeds go back to the Kings.I love you all!! Thanks for making my life so wonderful!! I really do love what I do!

- - - - -

It's Not Right - But It's Okay

My suggestion for someone entering rehab: ditch the publicist named Seltzer.

NEW YORK (AP) - A year after her first reported stay in rehab, Whitney Houston has again checked into a rehabilitation facility. ``Whitney Houston has re-entered a rehabilitation facility today,'' her publicist, Nancy Seltzer, told The Associated Press Wednesday. She declined to provide details.

Phoebe Figalilly is a Silly Name

What's wrong with all these heterosexuals nowadays? It doesn't seem like a day goes by when they don't turn to the gays or British ladies to solve their problems.
Consider this: ABC has SuperNanny and Fox has Nanny 911 -- shows that expose the complete ineptitude of mixed-sex couples rearing their God-sanctioned offspring.
Furthermore, Queer Eye proves that straight men cannot dress, bathe, groom or accessorize themselves. And the women on these nanny shows: awful, whiny Mommie Dearests. Do the straights really need so much help dating and preserving the core reason for marriage: children?
Watch one of these shows (or the ones where they **swap wives for fun**) and you'll see that mom is a mess, dad is drunk (or wants to be) and ...well.....don't even get me started on those monstrous children. Are these bungling ding-a lings the best role models for children, I ask? Gimme Uncle Arthur any day.
People that stupid should be left to buy their clothes at Sears and forced to get abortions.
From the tone of this Official press release(!) I suppose that we're supposed to be thrilled to learn that former nanny, Fran Drescher, is back on television to delight us with her dating hi-jinks.
I will admit that today, I'm feeling kinda nostalgic for nannies like Juliet Mills. She gets my vote for television mother-substitute: Phoebe Figalilly. Who's that mystical magical nanny you might ask? ------>
Why she's the sister of Hayley Mills, star of NBC's daytime hit, Passions! and she is married to Maxwell Caulfield, one of my "why do my loins tingle when I look at him" teen crushes.
And Juliet Mills played nanny to one of my childhood role models: Miss Kim Richards, perhaps best known for her work on Hello Larry (which dealt a lot with tingling teenage loins) and a film that proves that kids are much better off left alone or in the care of their much more fun uncle. Incidentally, Kim Richards is Paris Hilton's aunt. As a wee little heiress, at the age of 7, Paris looked up to Auntie Kimmie, shown here in 1988 and said, "When I grow up I want to look just like you!" Looks like she did.

Seven Days

That's all I expect from The Ring 2 after seeing it with Ryan last weekend.

No where near as good as the first.

But...heyyyyyyy!!!!! evil little touch-of-death Samara is portrayed by St. Louis' own Kelly Stables. Too bad her site is down right now (all those Fangoria teen boys obsessed with stringy hair dead girls....ahhhh youth!)

But if you want to learn more about Kelly...check out April's America Cheerleader magazine.

StarStruck Extra
Former cheerleader Kelly Stables dishes out the heebie jeebies in The Ring Two.

Come to think of it, maybe the role wasn't much of a stretch for the former cheerleader -- afterall, vicious teenage killing machines, whether they're climbing out of a well or sitting behind you in Social Studies...is there really any difference?

Thanks to Jim for the cheerleading tip!

Just Can't Get a Day Off.....

I really hate to break it to Athletic cyclist but some deeds cannot go unpunished. He says he's, "Bi guy in st louis, looking for similar types."
*sigh*

1. Nice try, distract with an ugly Garden Ridge lamp......but
2. Pier One Glass Block vase from 1996 - is way-so-gay. Let alone
3. No pit hair ('nuff said).
I suspect that you may be sleeping with a woman, though....
4. This isn't a guys room (despite the gay vase), is it?
I'm picking up some "Country Living Girlfriend who shops at Garden Ridge who's into Shabby Chic."
You tacky bastard - are you taking photos of your ass in your girlfriend's room hoping for some man on man action?????
5. And...um....okay, Miss Scarlett with your itty bitty waist!!
6. Amazing ass - turned oh-so-perfectly towards the camera. Yup. You think about your ass a lot. ****GAY****
7. Let alone a classic, vintage armoire painted country apple green......and there's that red herring:
8. That dumb chair.

To make my point: you shave your pits, are obsessed with your ass, you clearly work out compulsively and have the gayest vase. All that other stuff doesn't make you bi - it just makes you a liar.

Bunny Buzz

Taking a break from taking a break (it's Peter Lawford Day) -- just to pass along this story: Governor Blunt has Panic Buttons Installed in Mansion to Protect Bunny & Baby Blunt.

As Pamela said, "I've been panicked since his ass took office...."

Crimson Tide

While they're still fresh, I will make note of the weekend's best quotes:

"God - this is a first. I'm drunker than you."

"The Mexicans won't help me move Easter Sunday, but the fags will."

"Oh, honey...look......that's you on the TV."

"Wanna gimme a back rub? There's cocoa butter in the bathroom."

"Thanks for the job offer, but....no....thank you. You can, however, suck my dick anytime you want."

Yeah...classy shit like that.

How I managed a 25 mile bike ride, a movie, a night at the City Museum with a reality TV star, a birthday party, dinner at a Nepalese restaurant, Dim Sum leftovers, 3 packs of cigarettes, 4 whiskeys, 2 pool games, Rick-James-Cocaine-Is-A-Helluva-Drug, aggressive flirting, mathletes, a box of Samoas, and a 3.5 hour conversation with a really nice guy...I dunno. There's more - so much more to write about - but I'm kinda content to hold the rest of it really tight, just snuggle up with my memories of a weekend that was just a little too strange to be true.

I suppose I could have just elaborated on any number of news-worthy topics......but....frankly....I just don't feel like it. I'm taking a day off to enjoy my new sweater (I can have hours of fun with it - pretending I'm Peter Lawford) and then get around to doing some real work for a change.

Ass Master

I take it that steroid abuse among professional athletes sets a bad example for the sport-loving spawn out there (I don't buy that rationale - look at me! I looked up to the Studio 54 set when I was a wee one and my septum is mostly intact...my liver is half-functional and I'm usually coherent) but I feel that I have to come to the defense of the benefits of steroids: Mark McGwire's ass.

By no means am I the Margaret Cho ass-loving homosexual. I'm rather hair and smell averse. But the first time I ever went to a baseball game - my friends and I sat behind first base - and that provided a full-on fetish-inducing closeness to Mark McGwire's derriere.

It was, perhaps, the prettiest thing I've ever seen. He was a total stud to begin with - that frisky little goatee, his arms as big as my head, his thighs, taught tree trunks of masculine power. But his ass - oh my clinching/releasing GOD!!!!!

I just stared and stared and stared and stared at it. Baseball really, really, REALLY bores me and this one game went on into 5 extra innings - but I had Mark's ass half the time....and, to this day, I cannot think of a better way to spend an evening.

I just pulled on a pair of pants and ran out the back door

"Making Porn" actor Dan Renzi: " I just pulled on a pair of pants and ran out the back door." Read more here.

.....and haven't we all?

We just got an interesting update to the "Making Porn" drama.....

St. Louis authorities stop "Making Porn"

The curtain went down on the controversial play "Making Porn" only shortly after it opened over the March 11 weekend at SPOT, 4146 Manchester Street.

According to a press release by SPOT owner Thomas Long, St. Louis police halted the show during its second performance on Saturday night. "The show is a comedy about the pornographic industry that does contain on-stage nudity," Long said in the release. That nudity allegedly broke the ordinance, according the city. It is unclear whether the nudity in "Making Porn" or its gay-themed subject matter was the catalyst for this action compared to other shows.

Long pointed out that "Making Porn" was being produced at SPOT by a California-based production company who had leased the space for a three-week run. The show has been produced in numerous other cities in the United States and internationally. It was the city of St. Louis Liquor Commission that actually closed the production, Long said. He said the business can remain open during the investigation. SPOT owners were out of town on vacation during the events, but will soon appear before the St. Louis Liquor Commission.

St. Louis police have not yet returned calls from the Vital VOICE regarding the shutdown.

Discipline. Energy. Beauty. Strength.

Tax Day just got a lot brighter after reading this press release. Coming to the Tivoli, April 15:

D.E.B.S, written and directed by Angela Robinson, is a hysterical, “girl-power” satire of American teen films and the classic spy genre. The film stars a slew of Hollywood’s hottest, including Jordana Brewster, Sara Foster, Devon Aoki, Meagan Good, and Jill Ritchie. Recruited by the U.S government for their unique ability to lie, cheat and fight, the girls join an underground academy of secret agents known only as D.E.B.S. Discipline. Energy. Beauty. Strength. A killer fashion sense. D.E.B.S set out to save the world and keep their lipstick perfectly applied while they do it. Now the girls must combine their skills for their most important mission to date –capture vexing vixen Lucy Diamond, the deadliest criminal the world has ever known.

D.E.B.S. started as a short film that had an amazing response in the Sundance 2003 Film Festival. Writer/Director Angela Robinson than expanded the idea and made it a full-length feature film. It premiered to a sold-out crowd at the 2004 Sundance film Festival and has been entertaining festival audiences ever since.

More Here!!!!!

I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel.

But a rebel with a cause.....

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

With 20 miles of signed bike lanes and routes already in on St. Louis streets, Bike St. Louis is now looking to expand.  Phase 2 would include more neighborhoods, more roads and more amenities, including maps.  But to ensure funding, public support for the project is needed.

Please take a few minutes to send a letter to the address below and please feel free to add your own experiences are encouraged. 

Need some motivation, try here.

Name
Address 1
City State Zip
DATE

Enhancement Committee
East-West Gateway Coordinating Council
Gateway Tower
One Memorial Drive STE 1600
St. Louis MO 63102

RE: Bike St. Louis Phase 2

Dear Enhancement Committee:

I am writing to enthusiastically support the continuation of the Bike St. Louis project. As a St. Louis resident and cyclist I am in strong support of this project. I feel the development of the Bike St. Louis routes encourage residents to use alternative modes of transportation because of its development of safe bike lanes and signage as well as the connections to Metro bus and Metrolink stations.

Not only does this project benefit bicyclists. I feel it helps raise awareness of the role of bikes as alternative mode of transportation, while also providing excellent safety information in the map developed for Phase I.

The benefits also extend to our economic centers that are spread throughout the City. The development of the route and its proposed extensions will continue to encourage residents and visitors to explore our city and to become more familiar with the variety of shops and businesses that exist throughout our City.

I firmly support the continuation of this project as I see it as an exemplary project for improving the quality of life for all the citizens of St. Louis.

Sincerely,

(Your name)


CC: (please send a copy of the letter you write to Julie Padberg-White and she will add it to our application, you can send the original or a copy directly to EW Gateway but it’s not necessary)

Julie Padberg-White
Project Manager Bike St. Louis
2108 Lafayette Avenue
St. Louis MO 63104
Fax 314-865-5090
Email: julie@uniquevantage.com

Come Blow Your Horn

Found this lascivious leprechaun over at Craigslist

Bi guy, 42, 6'1", 185, nice looking, fit, safe, clean cut, very oral...will be in the parade and partying most of the day this Thursday... Anyone else out for the day looking to possibly mutually take care of some horns? Let me know. Won't have a place, but willing to be creative if you don't.

Now, I think that's really admirable: even though he's out getting drunk, he's thinking of someone else's woodwind or trombone. I suggest some slide grease for hours of willing creative oral fun.

Wall Eyed

I'm sleepy and cranky today, so writing about my weekend is challenging. I may have had too good a time, coz while the memories are fresh and vital....I'm feeling kinda crusty and viral. Hafiz took much better photos of the Wallball event, anyway, and provides thoughtful and insightful commentary. Not that I'd offer that in the first place.....
When Bloggers unite and shamelessly pose. Actually, we gossiped shared inspired conversation over the state of contemporary art. Really.
	She was reading his ass for something he said. And he reacted by pointing his finger at a black woman. The whole perceptive artist thing is clearly a myth.
My favorite Manellis. People I actually like and enjoy! Really!!!!!!!!!!
	Li'l Edit and .... um.....Joyce. Once again, must I remind you about saying ignorant things to women who can kick your ass?
That really nice girl with that super cute jacket and Jen (also well-jacketed). Trouble is - I have no pics of the jackets. But I have a pic of Jen's tattoo!
	I was so in love with Tim's Valentino glasses. Asking if he bought them at ABC or Grand Wig Warehouse of Fashions: There's that damn perception thing again!

The Bold (Faced) and the Beautiful

The universe is neither good nor evil. It just is. That's the approach I took with my costume for the Virtue's & Vices/Arts Desire Party at the Contemporary Art Museum Friday. I kept thinking of simple themes: no one knows the face of God, behind every cloud there's a rainbow, money makes the world go around... Money was flowing at the event, apparently. Some little birdie told me the auction made $186,000. That's almost as much as my Harry Winston necklace. UPDATE: The event raised $300,000+ -- about the price of my Winston. Um. Yeah.

Salsa dancing superstar, Susan Werremeyer, an amazing woman who gives public relations and motherhood a good name!

Tackling the vices of jealousy and vanity, Adrian (right) poses with me and cinematic Chris Clark.

Circus Flora's Ashley Marino and Event Co-Chair Colleen Carlton. Such nice girls, unlike....

Art Directress Katy Fischer who employed that "free hand technique" one only picks up in finer art schools and bathhouses.

Working Walking down Olive Street with event maven Rachel McCalla. Fortunately our redlight rendevous was overlooked by...

Deb Peterson who happily put her head in my clouds. All my social climbing wet dreams came true!

Oompah!

I was taking a nap and the phone rang. It was my downstairs neighbor telling me about a hot man on KETC Channel 9.

Now, we often chat about hot fellas - but Channel 9? Home of Lawrence Welk reruns and Jim Lehrer? And it's pledge week, which usually means hours of Suze Orman and Funky Soul Superstars.

But no! It was Mario Frangoulis and he was live in studio. They kept making comparisons to Josh Groban, but I kept thinking he was more a David Boreanaz/Julian McMahon love child. Which might, indeed, be possible in California.....at least today.

Credible Witness

In their latest series of self-promotional spots, KPLR - WB 11 congratulates themselves for running, "credible, newsworthy reports" during their nightly news broadcast in February. Because the last thing we expect from a news show is...um....news?

Anyway, these promo spots feature snippets from last month's reports showing reasonably attractive on-air personalities holding microphones (outside, in nature, where it is cold, especially in February) while a very austere narrator explains WB-11's definition of "credible, newsworthy reports."

Let's see...there were teens jacked up on cough medicine with B-roll from Walgreens; somebody shot somebody and somebody talked about it exclusively; there was a fire or something like that - ya know, things you don't see too often in "real news."

Honestly, I just forget....I was waiting for Charmed to come back on, so I wasn't actually engaged in my TV experience. Power of Three!!!!!!!!

Besides, the WB for news? Please.... if I want credibile reporting, I'll just stick to Fox.

Can I Get an Amen?

Enjoy more obscure cultural links here and here.

Thanks to Prophetess Lady Bunny, you can avoid unChristian Constipation: Enjoy a Holy Ghost Enema from Mrs. Benny Hinn!

Now that you feel the spirit - or the need for spirits, don't forget to join me at the Virtues & Vices event at the Contemporary tonight!

Speaking of virtuous, maybe we could go watch Mel Gibson's Jesus Snuff Film some time soon. Never heard of it? Fret not, you can watch the review offered by the one and only Betty Butterfield.

I take today's sermon from a letter sent to me by a Jesus-lovin' Nigerian lawyer. I wanted it to be unedited and uncut (unlike Jesus) but for the Love of God, I want you to come back again.

Here's the plan: a few snarky comments, then we'll sing a song, and then we're outta here for the weekend!

Dear Fellow Believer In Christ,
Great manners and grammar - but not so-good with the fact checking

It is by the grace of God that I received Christ, knowing the truth and the truth have set me free. Having known the truth, I had no choice than to do what is lawful and right in the sight of God for eternal life and in the sight of man for witness of God´s mercy and glory upon my life.
Sorry, honey - I don't speak in tongues. I didn't understand a word of that.....

I have the pleasure to share my testimony with you, I am Barrister Jude Akoko, the Legal adviser to late Mr. and Mrs. Andre Henson, a Swedish couple that lived in my Country Nigeria for 20 years before they both died in the plane crash late last year. These couples were good Christians, they so dedicated to God but they had no child till they died, may their souls rest in peace, Amen.
Can you have children after you die???

In short, I sold all the properties after their death, as instructed by Mr.Andre Henson, before his death. And as matter of fact, after I sold all their properties, I realized $7,100,000.00 (Seven million One hundred Thousand US dollars ).
But in today's currency market - what's that worth - 4 Euros???

But Instead of giving the fund out for the work of God as instructed to me by the owner before his death. I converted the fund to myself with the intention of investing the fund abroad for my personal use.
I am shocked and appalled that an attorney would do something unethical

I had encounter with Christ when Pastor Benny Hinn was preaching on television concerning Ananias and Saphira in Acts 5:1-11. After hearing the word of God, I gave my life to Christ and became a born again Christian.
I had an encounter with a Chris once and that Pastor Hinn -- does he give Holy Ghost enemas, too?

After my fasting and prayers, I asked God to make his choice and direct me to a honest Christian or the chosen ministry that deserves this fund by his Grace. I then came across your address on the Internet as I was browsing through a Christian site......blah...blah...blah...four more paragraphs....I picked you, aren't you lucky? So if you know that you will use this fund honestly and wisely for things that will glorify God's name, then do contact me back via email. You should also forward to me your telephone numbers for easy communication between us.
Honey, I make no sense when I don't eat, either......-

Yours in Christ,
Brother Jude Akoko
That name has so many lame joke possibilities - but in the Christian spirit, I'll just let it go.

Now, open up your hymnals and sing along with me.

After the song, we'll pass the collection plate.

*** begin playing with organ ***

Jesus loves me
This I know
A Nigerian told me so
All that cash
From now dead Swedes
Could be mine
Oh yes, indeed!

Yes, Jesus Loves Me (repeat three times)
Nigerians told me so...

*** organ play ends (was it good for you?) ***

Bunnies.....Bunnies it must be Bunnnnniiiiiieeeesssss!

It's all kittens, Katie and bunnies over here today.

My final thoughts before I go have a cigarette and make some personal phone calls get back to work are leitmotif and show a clear mastery of past and future tense.

The Rabbit Died
Bunny Blunt, not to be confused with Bunny Brunt, birthed the first of her warren.

The Rabbit Will Die
Only you can save Toby the Bunny

Katie Couric: Skirt Chaser

Call me cynical, but I wondered what the hell concerned mother Katie Couric was doing yesterday talking to equally concerned and crime-fighting mother, Bunny Brunt.

Bunny Brunt, if you don't know -- caught some smarmy guy (named Jeff ...ahem... Swisher) using a webcam to shoot naughty videos of her 18 year old daughter's underpants. To her credit, Bunny shops at Aldo and chased him while wearing gold sandals, which is no small crime-fighting feat.

Now, I know that's creepy and all (the underpants, not the sandals -- that's just tacky) -- but the whole Bunny vs. Swisher drama unfolded well over a month ago.

What is really interesting is that concerned mother Katie Couric has written the introduction to a book titled:

Boys Will Put You on a Pedestal
(So They Can Look Up Your Skirt) :
A Dad's Advice for Daughters
by Philip Van (ahem....pardon the cough) Munching

The book hits the streets May 11.

Coincidence or well-timed covert marketing practice?

You tell me...... Would the ever effervescent Katie Couric take some girls traumatic underpants experience and fashion that into a strange marketing....um...plug for an upcoming book featuring her?

America's sweetheart, we demand answers!

Generation M

You have much to learn from the overly concerned Katie Couric who spent her youth engaged in activities that really made a difference in the lives of others......

Oh, great...looks like we have a new generational buzz word for Katie Couric to harp about.

What I wonder about is with so many adults blogging from work, are adults, too, spending more time with media than "working"?

Wait a minute...the God-damn phone is ringing - some customer wants something....shit.....well, voice mail will pick up....I can pick up those calls from home later....

Off to the brand new MSN Search (far faster than Google) for more answers about this serious subject of time-wasted on meaningless mind-numbing activities......

Media Manipulating Multi-tasking Minors

WASHINGTON (AdAge.com) --

The typical American schoolchild now spends more time engaged with media each week than the average adult spends working full time in that same period, according to a new study by the Kaiser Family Foundation.

Released today in Washington, the report, "Generation M: Media in the Lives of 8-18 Year-Olds," documents that children live more media-saturated lives than ever before, spending 6.5 hours a day engaged with TV, the Internet, digital games, radio, MP3 players and other media. The report notes that the most dramatic change from previous years is that so many children routinely multitask, thereby being exposed to the content and advertising of two or more media simultaneously. When that total exposure is taken into account, their average engagement with media each day is the equivalent of 8.5 hours a day, the report concluded.

Faster, Pussycat....Kill Kill....

More fine reporting from the Associated Press

Cat Shoots Owner

Alien Nation

To be honest, I was just looking for free, hot, naked pictures of Vin Diesel when I noticed this very strange likeness that triggered some sort of repressed memory or sparked a synapse or brought me out of my semi-perpetual-pill-induced haze.

Hmmm…..curious…..I remember well when the Visitors arrived in 1983. We were all so worried about Nuclear War, but there was so much our friends from outer space could offer us and teach us, if we'd just get on board.

Too bad things turned out so badly – given they wanted to eat us and stuff.

So, being the intrepid non-journalist that I am (especially after not finding any naked pictures of Vin) I started using the exciting and brand new MSN Search to conduct my research -- far faster than Google (psst....that was a plug.....and I'll hyper-link it when I get the check from Sir Bill) and after about two minutes of in-depth research, I unearthed shocking evidence that contradicts my previous claim.

I now propose that while Blogs are so 1993

EVERYTHING IS SO 1983

Let me break it down:

COMPUTING

The internet was born in 1983:
TCP/IP and Domain Names were developed. Where was Al Gore?

And soon everyone would be able to access the Internets:
Compaq built the first fully-compatible IBM clone

Because computers mattered:
Time named the computer as "Man" of the Year for 1982

And were much easier to use:
Apple released Lisa, the first personal computer with a graphical user interface

Thus, you could easily and effortlessly waste hours reading shit like this that rather than doing real work!
Lotus 1-2-3 spreadsheet program debuted

POLITICS

“Regime Change” entered the vernacular:
U.S. and Caribbean cronies allies invaded freed Grenada

While inept investigations of government hit their stride:
Ollie North lied shredded forgot about, well, everything…..

The Media began spinning the bogus initiatives of an insane President:
Ronald Regan introduced American public to "Star Wars" in 1983

Instead of focusing on something that mattered:
HIV is discovered and by the end of the year the number of AIDS cases in the USA had risen to 3,064 and of these 1292 had died

Ma' Bell died, too:
AT&T was forced to break up and the 7 headed "baby bell" Hydra was born

And the FCC authorized the end of quiet moments to yourself!
Motorola began testing cellular phone service in Chicago

CULTURE

Women enjoyed firsts in space in 1983:
Sally K. Ride, 32, first U.S. woman astronaut, orbited the Earth in Challenger

And some lasts…..
Occupants of Interplanetary Craft called and Karen Carpenter answered, God Rest Her Soul

Soul-less X-Mas shoppers would break your arm to secure the last "must have gift" of the season:
Cabbage Patch Kids

For a hopped up (and soon to be fat) kid strung out on sugary juice drinks!!!!!!!!!!!
Ocean Spray introduced the very first "juice box" to America

Cultural shifts began when a Black man was recognized for his contributions:
Dr. Martin Luther King Day was created as a national holiday

While Black women were declared prettiest in the nation:
Vanessa Williams won the Miss America contest in 1983 before abdicating to another black woman, Suzette Charles. That also falls nicely into Irrelevant photographs damage lives and waste media coverage category (see inevitable Paris Hilton connection below)

Awards shows achieved a new level of faggotry:
Torch Song Trilogy won a Tony – as did everybody from Cats, including Abby from Eight is Enough

While a highly addictive drug began to fuck up lives:
"Crack" cocaine was developed in the Bahamas, and soon appeared in the United States

Only to have the Government respond with a stupid-ass solution:
"Just Say No" was by introduced to combat the dope smoking, pill popping, line snorting habits of millions of Americans

Meanwhile, everybody loved the pill popping, line snorting and binge drinking actors on:
Dallas & Dynasty

While real life heiress Paris Hilton made her first, desperate, furtive cries for love and attention:
Darling Little Nicky was born (no Prince analogy -- that was 1984)

Speaking of skanks, though:
Camcorders are introduced

As was the assassin of Vinyl:
Compact discs first hit the market

Writing about lesbians got an award:
Alice Walker won Pulitzer for Color Purple

But acting like one didn’t:
Cher lost for Silkwood, while Linda Hunt won for “acting” like a man

Looking like a man had benefits for:
Annie Lennox, who enjoyed Sweet Dreams after hitting the music charts for the first time

While looking like a woman had benefits for:
Boy George who Tumbled 4 Ya and scored big with tunes of his own

Still looking black had benefits for:
Michael Jackson who took home 7 Grammy Awards for Thriller

While wearing black bras benefited:
Madonna who released Madonna

And….oh fuck it….
There was so much music released that year, go here or here and come up with your own stuck-in-the-past puns:

Finally…..

Return of the Jedi hit theatres but The Earth Struck back:
The El Niño phenomenon was identified as a cause for disrupted global weather patterns

And M.A.S.H. finally fucking ended
Farewell and Amen

But look, everybody is talking about Alan Alda all over again!

It's a pattern, people, a cleverly woven thread of interconnectedness. And while the few unbroken threads on this tether keep me connected to "reality", I vow to keep exposing these critical and crucial elements of our history.

In the interests of full disclosure, I guess I should admit that I've....um....been a man since 1983, too. Events like that "embarrassing moment" with Michael Jefferson in the boys junior high locker-room are hard to forget, no matter how many pills you take.

What's New with the Raelians

Find out here!

This Used to be My Playground

But I dunno know if I wanna play anymore, after learning that Rosie O'Flipping Donnell is now part of the blogosphere.

She kinda ruins stuff for all the rest of us. Like Madonna, Florida, showtunes, marriage, crafts.....

She coulda wrecked Boy George, but I think that disco ball calamity gave him some Karmic collateral to spend at will!

Rosie - in her compelling words:

george o'dowd
wrote a new book
i am cast as a villian
a pottery barn lesbian
not quite gay enough

my knighted gay brother
called to tell me
we laughed
georgie boy .... unreachable

fame is fun again

Link appropriated from Gawker via TV Tattle.

Blogs are so 1993

Unleash the Beast here.

I remember many days in 1993 when I was supposed to be in some stupid class that would never amount to anything (computer science – HAH!) or at my work study job (I had some Ramen noodles, a 6 pack of Milwaukee’s Best and something to smoke – who needed to work?) my friends and I would get together and have really special heartwarming moments that would shape our hyper-critical, compulsive and self-destructive attitudes for a lifetime!

Learn about Commodore 64s, too.

We were ever-so-clever back then and we’d trade mix-tapes and bitch about that awful girl with the big boobs in our drawing class. We’d also obsess over how cute-boy-of-the-moment did not realize that his girlfriend was a skank. In my case, he did not yet know that he, himself, was gay and that he would totally fall in love with me – if he could get past the whole forbidden love that had not yet been compellingly dramatized by Showtime. Computers back then were jazzed up TRS80’s and if worse came to worse, you knew someone who had a Royal typewriter with 50 word spell check/correct memory.

The bloggers I read daily do very much the same thing today as my pals and I did in the early 1990s, except they use iBooks and post from their cell phones. They still diss each other, illegally share music, talk about tits, and needlessly mock the stupid, slutty, vain, and down-right-hideous. It’s so, totally, like 1993, except that the people that would have probably hated each other in college (coz they had big boobs or dated our not-gay-but-he-would-be-for-me-boyfriend) now share links (but sometimes steal content) from each other.

Did you miss my birthday?

There seems to be some competitive feistiness: there’s still some snarky one-upmanship of each other now from time to time. But after reading a number of blogs to research this post, I believe that the general disdain for the current administration and the state of the media world has created a real “Donna Martin Graduates” mentality within the blogger community. That same mentality got our boy Bill elected and half of you stinking drunk before 3PM most afternoons way back then in 1993.

Classes are filling fast!

Instead of skipping class, millions of us today have learned how to clear our cache on our work computers after we’ve spent hours surfing each other’s blogs chuckling over the latest Marlena possessed by the devil analogy. Yeah, I know that was 1994-95, but it’s close enough. Remember the days when Sami was a girl and nobody cared about Paris fucking Hilton? Back then, I imagine she was dry humping her Care Bears (Paris – not Sami, that is).

Forever.

Style had some substance – or it was on some substances, at least. It was Linda, Christy, Naomi all the time and lets not forget Kristen. Now, she was hot. Bare-backing wasn’t a trend and heroin and meth weren’t only bad news – but also, kinda tacky, even if Prada would try to sell the look when we got out first real jobs and our first bill from Sallie Mae.

You might have also been the first person you knew to get a tattoo.

And the pace of your life wasn’t something you thought about too much. You just lived your life and went to bed tired, drunk or with some guy/gay who really loved Lion and the Cobra in high school, too.

At least that’s what blogging does for me each and every day, hour after hour. It reignites my belief that smart, talented people who give a shit are still out there after time, rehab, witness relocation and restraining orders have separated me from so many of them. When I read blogs, I don’t feel quite so cynical and hopeless. I get strangely energized by the words and pictures that appear on this little TV screen – almost by magic!

If that doesn’t happen to you -- well too fucking bad. That’s my rub and I’m sticking to it, at least ‘til Camille Paglia says otherwise. And Drudge says she will…..updates at 9, noon, 2 and 6.

He believes in you, too!

Now back to work, missy – you getting fired at this age is not so wise. Too many carbs in Ramen, the Beast is one helluva hangover and that Canadian shit is just too hard to find anymore. Just remember to believe in that place called Hope. Because I still believe in you – even if you use your Sidekick to post from your Jetta as you head to Bikram. I still believe in you even if you upload some clever image of some suburban sellout in the Target parking lot before you, yourself, dash in for your much more legitimate purchase. My hypocritical, talking outta both sides of my split-personality mouth still believes in what those 1993, 1997 and 2001 worlds were supposed to be.

We just got a little off track that’s all.

I Know the Dollar is Weak Right Now

But, Sweet Jesus! The peso must be worth a gazillion dollars right now:Swank Trades Oscar for Bikini in Mexico.

Daniel Doesn't Live Here Anymore

I guess the RFT has given up being assholes for Lent, coz their last few issues have been quite good. This story -- Pulitzer's Pain reveals quite a bit about the latest saga over at the Post-Dispatch.

I biked over to Ryan's yesterday only to see this sad sight on my way to his apartment:

This is where former Post-Dispatch writer Daniel Finney used to live, before the RFT exposed him in their Unreal section and he was forced out of a job and left town. Every week, Ryan collects the newspapers that are still delivered to his door.

In the spirit of beating a dead cat, maybe the RFT can now launch a shocking investigation of potential inflated circulation numbers, since the Post seems to keep delivering newspapers to staff who no longer work for them.

BPCCP or What I Did this Weekend

Kelly sent me this picture and after the weekend that I shared, in part, with Bradley, Ryan and Pamela, I, too, am in desperate need for a coffee cup that is twice the size of my head.

Mary-Kate Olsen, on her student rounds at New York University, personifies a style that rejects the overt display of wealth.

For me, this past weekend was a return to BPCCP (Before PCs and Cell Phones). I left my laptop at work and didn’t look or touch my home computer. My cell phone has been turned off and frankly, it was marvelous.

Friday night, I went to two art openings then out for drinks. Saturday’s activities involved a short bike ride and shopping at a vintage boutique and an antique mall. It was then time to get dressed for a yummy dinner followed by two sparkly birthday parties at AMP.** That merriment lead to dancing, followed by a trip to an Eastside titty bar that finally ended at 7 A.M over diner food.

Yesterday was a little less eventful. The day included a disastrous booty call, a 15 mile bike ride, somewhat successful flirting over coffee at Starbucks before I finally wrapped it up over more coffee, more gossip and only a couple of cigarettes***

I had a delightful weekend of mischief, time with friends and time by myself. No digital exchanges, no obsessively planning my every movement. It was just me doing my own thing on my own time with no extraneous, and ultimately unnecessary technology. I feel the need to deconstruct the weekend’s activities (the break down above were just an index, honey) but I also feel the need to let them just be.

Onward and upward, as they say. But there are a few topics that I'll get around to over the next few days. Here's a sneak peek:

• Vlad, the Impala or Hell on Wheels
• Things you think about at 6:30 a.m. when you're gay, you're in a titty bar, and you're talking to a stripper named Sheena
• There's a difference between "stocky" and Jabba the Hutt
• Pussy Control
• Gays are Bad Capitalists or Straight Boys Will Pay
• I need to take a break from myself, coz I'm getting on my own damn nerves

Since I seemed to hog Ryan's camera*, I am gonna include only one of the few pics I took over the weekend:

Rob and Pamela, reliving their student rounds at university, personify the rejection of overt wealth, since they're still broke, but don't they have style?

- - - - - - - - -

* I am reminded of that scene from Female Trouble where Dawn Davenport says, “I love those flashbulbs!”  More notable quotes here.

** AMP -- 4199 Manchester -- St. Louis, MO 63110 -- 314-652-5267

***Biking can have a really negative impact on your smoking habit -- you don't want or need to smoke as much. Fortunately for me, I enjoy biking as much as smoking, so I'm willing to accept the trade off. Another plus is that after a good bike ride, you've hacked up so much residual tar that the first puff gives you a Grade A rush of nicotine!

Married Some Casper Milquetoast

There's a lot going on this weekend (including a birthday party that featured strippers last year!), so I won't post this weekend. Before I go, I thought I'd share a re-cap of what has brought visitors to this site over the past year. Organized by topic, I'm thrilled and just a bit horrified by what folks are looking for and what I must have written about.

Have a good weekend!

TOP SEARCH STRINGS

ART
arbus diane
cindy sherman
starn twins

ENTERTAINMENT
andrew bird
beyonce oscars too much
bobbyblake
ben jelen
carol burnett
heidi glaus
pam grier
sherman hemsley
west side story heroine
superfriends
wonder woman drawings

GAY HOOKERS IN THE WHITE HOUSE
hotmilitarystud.com

HOMEMAKING
how to make an omelet

MASCULINITY STUDIES
brini maxwell sex
straight men
strippers sex

AND THE VERY CURIOUS….
cow brain
fried brain
married some casper milquetoast
mauled by bears
zombies

What's In a Name

I found this link over at Drudge and at first, I felt sorry for Carrie Fisher, 'coz finding somebody dead in your house is never fun, even if he is Greg Stevens -- a Republican who worked on the Bush-Cheney campaign.

Upon closer inspection, I wonder if the reporter is suggesting that Mr. Stevens was not only a right winger but a friend-of-Dorothy right winger?

Gay "code language" in bold and italics mine.

A flamboyant personality and bicoastal bachelor, Mr. Stevens was regarded as something of a misfit in the corridors of the buttoned-down lobbying firm, and yet "had a large circle who he touched. His life was a journey, not a destination," said one member of the firm. "He was always fun and entertaining."

Miss Fisher said she attended a star-studded pre-Oscar party Friday night at the home Creative Artist Agency chief Bryan Lourd, the actress' former husband. She said Mr. Stevens arrived around 11:30 p.m. as she was leaving.

Other party guests included Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston, Robin Williams, Jamie Foxx, Julia Roberts, Penelope Cruz and Pierce Brosnan.

"He was in good shape," Miss Fisher recalled. "Tons and tons of people saw him. He was Greg."

She said Mr. Stevens returned home shortly afterward, and the two watched the 1942 classic film "Mrs. Miniver," then went to bed. The next morning they had planned to have brunch and tango lessons with other houseguests.

Now, I tried to research this R. Greg Stevens and I found lots of Greg Stevens' -- there's more than 200 Greg Stevens' at Yahoo people. I decided to plod through the list and found some really interesting ones!

First, there's this one - and he's involved in politics, but he's a Democrat and from South Dakota, Iowa, Nebraska, I dunno.... someplace not very interesting and he doesn't strike me as Carrie's type.

Then there's this one who created the Wille Horton and Swift Boat ads!

Greg Stevens has built a national reputation behind provocative ads that can change a presidential race.

Stevens, a Yarmouth resident whose advertising firm produced the John Kerry-bashing ads by Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, also stirred up voters the first time a candidate named George Bush ran against a Massachusetts Democrat.

Stevens, president and founder of Stevens Reed Curcio & Potholm of Virginia, produced the memorable 1988 ad showing former Massachusetts Gov. Michael Dukakis wearing an ungainly helmet while bouncing along in a tank. His Republican opponent, then-Vice President George H.W. Bush, won easily.

Different Greg Stevens - but still a Republican asshole.

And then there's this Greg Stevens --->

Hubba hubba.

I'm not asking him his politics.

 

 

 

 

My Secret Life

In the interest of making sure that they're up-to-date with my life, my very concerned Alma Mater sent me a form, which I'd like to share with you.

My name is Robert Wayne Thurman.

Okay, that I knew.

But I've been busy since graduation 12 years ago:

I also have a really rich ethnic history, since I'm:

r

Pshew! My mom sure was busy, too! There's some sorta baby-daddy joke in here, but I'm not gonna insult my father, god rest his soul.

I have a very exotic career in the Far East:

And even though I remember being on the Student Admissions Committee, the Gay & Lesbian Community Alliance ( I was prez one year) and was a representative in the student government, I completely forgot that I was also busy with these fun-filled activities:

Why I remember none of that, I dunno -- I guess it was too many keggers? And as for letterman, well....I was fond of the letter e when I was a senior, but I really don't think I'd put that on any sort of official documentation.

Anyway.....I also love retirement!

Oh! And I have children (with an un-named spouse)- some of whom were born even before I was.

I clearly need to unearth these repressed memories and life experiences - and I plan on using my retirement to investigate my hidden life as an
Amer-Asian-Black-Hispanic-Foreign-Other
divorced-widowed-single-separated
(clearly)straight (and very boring) man capable of time travel with a thrilling life in St. Louis, China!

What's New with International Superstar Geena Davis?

Why, she's bringing class and dignity back to the Oval Office: read all about it here!

ABC...has tapped Geena Davis to star as the first female president in a new drama, ``Commander in Chief.'' If the show makes the fall schedule, Davis would join Mary McDonnell, who already leads the U.S. (and all humankind) on SciFi's revamped ``Battlestar Galactica.''

Let my sci-fi geekery intervene here. The folks in BG are looking for Earth -- they are the only remaining resident of the 12 Colonies of Kobol after a vicious attack by the evil, well polished Cylons (1978's versions below).

But lets not quibble over little things like that - when it comes to quality television, I know that SciFi and ABC lead the way!

My dolls! My beautiful dolls!

Growing up an overly sensitive and artistic child in the rural south, I spent many hours making up overly dramatic stories featuring some of my favorite characters from TV and film and acting them out with my imaginary friend(s) and a bevy of toys. Like most young boys of the 1970's, I had all the Star Wars action figures, but in keeping with my budding tastes for all things fabulous, I also had the Bionic Woman Doll, two Wonder Woman dolls and the Barbie and Ken Roller Disco Magic combo. Ken and Barbie were really special with their had sparkle knit tops, short shorts and white roller skates, with red wheels and extended nails on their pinkie fingers (or were those added my sophomore year of college?).

I wonder if I had to do it all over again, right now, if I'd be clamoring for the RuPaul Doll?

Probably.

My dear friend Colleen sent me this link to these Pretty Pretties. I especially like AA Urban Hipster. I assume AA means African American, although it's pretty clear that she's black. I kinda hope it was Alcoholics Anonymous Urban Hipster. No need to go to meetings -- just sit down with your Scary Spice Naomi Campbell doll and start working those steps! As for Princess of Cambodia with a Damaged Box ....well....ummm.....I'll let you draw your own conclusions.

Gays are, Indeed, Dangerous

Fanning the flames of faggotry, Lagerfeld Aims for Global Domination.

Virtue & Vice: from Glitter to Kegger.....

I'm on the committee for an upcoming event at the Contemporary Art Museum, so I'm engaging in some shameless promotion right now.

Think press-on-nail rather than press release.

---

To: Everyone I know (and even some folks that I don't)
From: Me
Subject: Join me March 11 for Costumes, House Music, Art and All You Can Drink Beer!

From last year's event at the Contemporary. They alternate the party themes each year. Pictured with me are Rachel and Joyce. They're working on Saturday's Wallball event.

It's that time of year - every weekend is filled with parties and special events and fundraisers!

I for one, am on a tight budget -- like Dolly Parton says, "It costs a lot of money to look this cheap...."

I've been saving all my coins to purchase some much needed glitter for the Tryst Party at the Contemporary Art Museum.

The theme is Arts Desire: Virtues & Vices. I think I'm gonna be an angel, or a devil, maybe Tammy Faye Baker.....something holy roller......

One of the top 100 dj's in the world, DJ James Curd (Greens Keepers) is flying in just for the event - and he's amazing. You can download a free hour of a great house music mix free from his site. The first song has me in stitches, who would have ever thought you could mix 'It rubs the lotion on its skin' to some soulful trumpet house beats! The afterparty is right down the street at club seven-- where you can keep kicking up your heels to some great salsa music.

Arts Desire: Virtues & Vices
Friday, March 11
Contemporary Art Museum
3750 Washington
9:00 PM - Midnight
Midnight - ??? (after party at club seven)

Tickets Include:
Complimentary soda and beer
(Yup! All the beer you can drink)
One mixed drink/wine
(then switch to beer...hee hee)
and valet (they're always cuties)

Tickets: Buy Tickets Here
$25 (I know y'all spend that much on a Wednesday night.....)
$35 at the door
$70 (includes $55 membership to the Young Friends of the Contempoaray Art Museum -- you know you've done your taxes!)

Hope you can make it!

Find your Inner Evangelist here.

Tammy Faye Info

Party Info

DJ Information here

Auction Artwork here

Check out info for Saturday night's fun event: Wall Ball

I Have One Thing to Say.....

Well, I have more than one thing to say - I'm just all giggles right now......

For Immediate Release
Announcement Date:
3/1/05 - 5:00 pm

To benefit St. Martha's Hall -
An emergency shelter for women & their children HAIRBALL 9
Featuring RuPAUL
Sunday, May 1, 2005

Doors 7:00pm
Event starts at 8:00pm
General admission tickets $25.00

On Sale Date:
Friday 3/4/05 - 5pm

TICKETS AVAILABLE AT THE PAGEANT BOX OFFICE,
ALL TICKETMASTER LOCATIONS,
BY PHONE AT (314) 421-4400
OR LOG ON TO WWW.TICKETMASTER.COM

For event information, please inquire with:
Jeff Noble - Hairball, Inc.
monkyfez@swbell.net